The bedtime crusher...

I'm pretty sure any mom out there, who has more than 1 child, has not kept up the pace she started with the 1st child.  Or maybe, just maybe, I am hoping that is the case to relieve my guilt.  Just a bit...  It is obvious to me how I have slowed the pace down with each child just by looking at my walls and the bare spots on the shelves, where the 2nd and 3rd child's baby books should be.

Tonight, I was stopped cold in my mommy tracks!  We are all still tired and worn out from a terrific weekend of camping, and it was a mellow night of sorts around here (minus my new found inner Hillbilly Handfishing junkie!  I watched too much of it and am now even more convicted of how I wasted time this afternoon!).  I was tucking in the 2 oldest OS and while I was loving on my middle OS, he noticed his oldest bro looking at a mini baby book of the himself.  While I was hugging him, he asked me "Mommy, why don't I have a baby book?"  I really wish somebody would've shot me in the eye with a paintball gun instead!  OUCH!!!

*This has never been me, nor will it ever be me, but I'm sure this is what it looks like if you have baby books for each of your babies on a Friday night scrap!*  ;)

I cannot even tell you how bad I feel that only my oldest OS has a book filled with pictures of him as a baby.  Or that I used to take him to have his pictures taken every 3 months that 1st year.  I wrote down every milestone in his little calendar that I had on the fridge.  I took notes on it from the Dr's office, wrote down every little thing.  I was a mom in love!  Then my 2nd precious son came along.  I don't want to make too many excuses, but our lives kind of went haywire the day I came home from the hospital with him.  That afternoon TG's boss called and informed him he got the transfer and he was expected to start the new job, 6 hrs away, in 2 weeks.  I don't remember a whole lot of anything in the month that followed...  Let's be real, I don't remember a ton of information from that entire next 6 months.  It was full on crazy!  I kept track of what I could on the regular wall calendar, since I lost his baby calendar in the move.  I took what pictures I could, because I remember those being some squeaky tight times.  And actually doing things regularly?  YA RIGHT!

Then came sweet baby boy #3!  3 OS under 6+ full childcare+TG gone most of the time+life= 1 crazy busy momma!  Well, you can only guess where this is going...  He had his pictures taken barely by 6 weeks (not even newborn!) and then again after he turned 1!  His calendar consisted of sticky notes scribbled on 2 different calendars.  I hope he never finds this post, but I'll clear my conscience here.  A few major milestones I had to guess on when I realized I never wrote them down, easily a month or 2 or 3 later!  EEEKKSS!  

When my dinosaur computer crashed (have only had the laptop for a yr now), I bawled, realizing I never backed up any of the pictures from the last 7 years!  Nor had I barely printed any of them out!  I can't tell you how I rejoiced when my computer peeps were able to restore it all!!!  Now is where I admit I still haven't back it all up, so I barely use it because I don't want to risk it going down before I do...  Getting sick just thinking about all of this...  I only got handprints done for the youngest.  That part makes me ill to my bones!  I was given handprint kits for each baby.  Used 1!  AHHHHH!!!

I have a good chunk of things sorted out for each boy now.  You know, the papers from each of them from the hospital.  The little bands they wore.  1 little bitty diaper from each of their baby days (no, I didn't cheat on those!  lol), you get the idea...  Now that I cleared out that horribly scary room I have a pretty good lead on it.  Now, I just need to get after it and really sort out my pictures on the computer (a daunting task as my old camera was always resetting it's date stamp to a random date, usually in "202-something!" so I know it will be slightly difficult to sort them all!  But after tonight, I think I have some extra fuel to get it going.

In fact, my heart strings our crossfiring with my brain cells, and I do believe instead of something sewn for my boys Christmas gift, this year's gift will come in a picture laden book!  Especially because I don't think I can hear my 3rd OS ask me where his book is in a couple of years without my heart snapping in two!!!  Tomorrow, I will be searching my many ideas and deciding on an avenue.  Will it be printing out the pages?  Snapfish books?  Scrapbooks?  Ya, lol, probably not a real scrapbook, but I am gonna start working on something, soon, starting on my middle guy 1st!  I can't wait to dig up some memories for them, and maybe even find some proof that mommy really was there for most of what has taken place so far! LOL

*Mine might look something like this!*

I guess it could be worse.  I could never pick up a camera or my phone and miss it all!  At least I have that going for me.  It is also what I will use when I apologize to all of my OS in the am...  If I have learned anything as a momma, it is that you can't do it all, all of the time.  Too bad I stink as bad as I do in this particular area!  Love that my babies are nearly as forgiving as a puppy...  ;)  Without Grace and Mercy, it wouldn't be worth getting up each day!  So blessed....



Confession from the Crazy Christian Lady...

This could be anything, right?  I mean us crazy, Christian, Bible thumping types, we can say some crazy things, right?  LOL  Well I hope I'm not so much of a Bible thumper as much as a Bible liver, but anyhoos...  ;)   I have to admit how much I love a stocked pantry and freezer!  I inherited my grandma's depression baby ways, and have many areas to prove it!  I love when the pasta shelf is full...  I love when the cereal shelf is piled up with the kids' favorite cereal, Life in particular!  I love when the freezer is full of meat, fruits and veggies!  Butter and juice in the doors, are like the whip cream on top!  Throw in some special treats and you have the cherry on top!  ;0)

I like this crazy random thing for many a reason!  Number 1 reason, however, wait for it... wait for it.... is...  The curious lil child of God in me, who wonders when the 2nd coming will be, knows if it happens anytime in the next month, we're set!  lol  (Especially since my garden also happens to be going gangbusters!)  I rarely admit that to many people, because that is tough topic with other believers, let alone people who think we are crazy, period!  lol  So here it is, my public announcement!  I love being prepared in this area.  Even going through a tornado and having no power for almost 2 weeks, that was as close as I got and was so relieved that during that we were A-OK..  We even had company over a few times!  How many people would brag that they have a nice generator that can run both refrigerators and the freezer!  Who only knows what will happen if Christ returns while I am still alive, but golly, my family will have food!  ;)  lol  That, is another fine trait I am proud to have, from my AWESOME Grandma Clayton!  I LOVE to feed people!  :)

The other main reason, I love being stocked up, is that I really actually loathe going to the store.  Going out is a huge chore and I love being able to walk out to the garage, or downstairs to get what I need for almost anything I would like to bake, cook, or even snack on!  I shop for fruits and veggies (that I am not growing or buying locally) once a week at most (for you local peeps, you could shop twice a month, on Wednesdays at Sprouts, and hit all 4 of their sales!).  I loathe it if I have to run in for just a few things!  Such a waste of my time and unless I have time to make it worthwhile and redeem one of my Starbucks gift cards, ;), I walk out pretty mad at myself!  My milk is delivered twice a week, eggs delivered as needed, so have no need to have to run for those!  I should give credit to some of my awesome girlfriends and childcare mommas who help me in a pinch and pick stuff up for me when they are out!  I am blessed by them more than they will ever know!  :)  In fact, when I think about the awesome neighbors I do have, with whom we raid each others stockpiles, and our awesome little community, we rock in this area!!!  :)

Sometimes I just like to longingly gaze into my upright freezer.  lol  Mostly because it is more organized than the one in the house that is catch all for EVERYTHING!  My chicken (that I stock up when its on sale) is neatly stacked by breasts, thighs, legs, strips, etc...  lol  My tomatoes look beautiful laying in their gallon sized bags, waiting to be pulled out and thawed and most likely turned into spaghetti sauce, with their friends, the chopped onions and peppers in the door next to them!  ;)   My peaches are stacked, waiting for the same beginnings and then combined with sugar (out of my 10 lb container!  lol) and splash of cinnamon from it's giant Sam Sized splendor!  lol  Not much in our house has this much order (although the fabric my lovely friends Sarah and Trish sorted out in my new sewing room beats it by a landslide!  :)  lol) so I try to get my peacefulness where I can!  You may find yours in your room or your living room, I find it in the freezer.. All is well!  ;)  Epiphany...  My kids rarely touch the freezer.. Hmmmmmm....  I'm onto something!

TG was really wigged out by my desire to stock up on things when we were first married. I get it kind of, it was just he and I, and then one little baby.  He became more at ease with by the time the 2nd OS came along.  When the 3rd OS came along, I noted he would get mildly upset if he would go to the pantry to retrieve a favorite, like a box of mac and cheese for instance (which by the way, went from $7.58 for 12 boxes the last time I bought it to almost $11 tonight when I was at Sam's!  CRAZINESS $$$!) and we would be out.  He too, had come to love our pantry!!  ;)  It was a tender moment for me!  lol  He gets it now and sees how my ways save us money and tons of time!  Well, he doesn't admit those exact words to me, but I can see it in his eyes when he wants something and there it is!  lol

I always cringe when I am at someone's house and their fridge is a bit, uhm, empty (By empty, I mean a visitor can actually see what is there, with way too much ease! lol), and their cupboards tend to match.  I have finally rationalized those type of people into this group, "The Love To Shoppers!"  I think their lack of food has nothing to do with any of my other crazy views!  lol  And I figure they don't like to have company, but that might be pushing it.. A little...  ;)  At any rate, isn't it funny what makes each of feel happy and secure in our homes?  For the next person it could be a loaded gun, or huge dogs, or maybe it's all of the above for someone else.  I know my neighbors, around mealtimes, all love that I am the way I am, ok, MOST of my neighbors!  LOL!

Blogging rules?

I didn't know there were such things.. You know?  Rules for blogging?  HUH?  Well, I was informed that you should be blogging at least 3 times per week to keep your audience.  In a perfect world, that sounds so lovely!  I have a lot of things I'd like to do at least 3 times per week.  Sewing, baking and reading to name a few.  Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) the only things that get done more than 3 times per week are laundry, meals, bathtime, and poop patrol!  It's a sad situation.

I wish I could text to my blog!  Especially on the 10 day road trip we just took to CA, with our camper (which I thought I never wanted, but might quite honestly be the coolest thing we have ever spent our money on, and so glad TG talked me into it!  Was a blast taking it across the country!  Just don't let him know how cool I think it is, I want him to think I still miss my tent!  lol) in tow!  I seriously had thoughts of stuff to write about, every 20 miles!  With each new situation, I had plenty of funny to go around the earth twice!  The irony in that trip?  We only had the opportunity to be linked to wifi about 2 or 3 times!  For maybe 15 or 20 minutes each time!  lol 

Have you ever heard the saying "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"?  I would seriously love to do this more often, but the truth of the matter is, my life does not qualify as normal, by any stretch of the imagination.  Therefore, there is not a normal or regular time I can sit and blog.  Today I am sitting on the couch next to the mountain of laundry from the said trip, trying to ignore the dull moaning I hear coming from it while I do this!  lol   I heard an awesome song that so applies to my life and I had to share it here, so I put my big laundry blinders on, with Pandora still roaring.  Insert SMILE here!  :)  I love writing!  It is such a defrag for me!

Not that I have ever been a big rule follower, but I am going to try for once a week.  I am journaling more in a notebook so hope to gather up some good stuff and share it here.  School has started, and once again, nap times are quiet and mostly just have myself to keep track of!  Lots of big things going on around here.  Wait, there is always lots going on around here!   I do have some fun pics to share though!  I took a bunch in January, but only posted a couple!  I can't wait to show you what 8 months can do to your house!  And well, can't do as well!  lol 

One last thing.  Tall Guy and I are celebrating 11 years married today!  This trip showed me how amazing we are as a team.  How love is a sacrifice in its own right!  How hard work and determination can pay off!  I love that guy and am proud to be his wife.  I am praying for many a marriage right now!!!  I hope that you give your spouse an extra hug and kiss today, and do 3 things just because, because it changes your heart!!!  See you in no more than a week!!!

Much needed "Proud Momma Moments" from out of nowhere!

Sitting here on the porch on this perfect rainy summer evening.  In fact, I have to say, I love this part of summer!!!  What a special treat to watch the rain roll in and out.  A perfect sunrise to the left of me, and sleeping kids behind me.  Ahh yes, a little more proof that I am His favorite!  ;) 

Beware, this post is scattered with some sadness, and realities.  Mixed in with some of my mommy heart...  My mind was everywhere, and the blog went all over with it...

Today was a pretty spectacular day as far as random Thursdays go.  In fact, if I think really hard (and with very few active brain cells, that is a very difficult thing to do.. ) this entire week had been pretty sweet.  As far as what has happened in my own 4 walls.  I needed sweet this week.  I needed it badly!  In case you hadn't heard, one of my momma friends suffered the worst kind of loss and tragedy you can imagine as a mommy.  She had to say goodbye to her sweet 11 month old baby girl, due to a tragic accident.  This is the 2nd time my friend has had to do this in 4 yrs.  I can't even fathom, wrap my head around, or hardly accept this.  In fact, no one that I know of, can.  This has made me want to drink my babies up!  I have been in awe of what the week brought me in the form of my small peeps and the joy they have radiated every day.

My middle OS, is so intuitive, it is kind of scary.  I was trying hard to hold myself together while the sobs rolled up inside of me, before a sound even came out, not even a sniff, he had his arms wrapped around me, telling me it would all be ok.  They had prayed for this sweet baby so they knew why I was sad.  I hadn't told them many details.  In all of his 7 yr old wisdom he goes "Mom, you still have us to hug and love."  I told him that that was why I was so sad.  "Our friend wouldn't get to see her baby grow up and say silly things and comfort her mommy like he was comforting me."  he looked up at me with his big blue eyes, and said "Mom, not right now, but she will forever in heaven."  Ahhhh....  So proud of that boy.

This has been a week of sometimes too much seriousness and not enough giggles.  I needed to find a balance.  Kids have a way of finding it for you.  My youngest OS loved being in VBS last week.  His awesome teacher happens to be our neighbor.  She stopped by to share how funny our kid is..  Uh oh.  Yes, that was my first thought!  LOL  After he came out of the bathroom, he asked her "if she had heard that?"  "Heard what?" she asked.  "When I pistol farted.  I farted and it sounded just like a pistol! IT WAS AWESOME!"  Ay yai yai....  So er uh, proud, ya that is the word!  What we love about him is that he is just naturally funny.  he doesn't aim to make you laugh.  In fact he doesn't even care if you do laugh.  he is just funny!  He has kept it up in true form all week long!  :)  It's hard to stay sad with that kid around!

My oldest OS has a heart bigger than Texas.  He really does.  The fact that he is like this at 10 years old just blows me away!  Quite the amazing young man in training.  He had really wanted his buddy to come and hang out with him today (I gotta give it to him.  It isn't easy being the oldest kid during the summer.  Some might even call it "lame!").  However, said buddy got really sunburned while at the lake with us yesterday (A pretty much perfect day in and of itself really!  I have such an amazing group of kiddos!  So fun!) and didn't feel so well today.  He was gonna couch surf and chill out today.  I wondered which direction oldest OS would go with this news...  To my pleasant surprise, not too bummed out and was on a new mission.  After we got our stuff done, he requested we search out a treat for his buddy (yes, I know, he is gonna make a great husband!!!  :)  ).  We had a birthday to celebrate so we headed to our favorite ice cream place.  We all finished up and went in and started making his treat to take to his buddy.  EVERYONE was helping, even the wee tot!  The frozen yogurt cup really couldn't take much more filling up, and the owner, who happened to be in the shop asked what they were up to.  Oldest OS explained the reason for such gluttony, and when we went to pay for what should have been an $8 treat, he told the oldest "no charge, pay it forward, oh wait, you already are!" and winked at us.  My kid gets it.  He was even going to pay with his own money.  I know that 1 certain young man had a huge grin on his face when his treat showed up at his door!  Oldest OS said, "MAN!  That felt good!!!"  AGREED oldest OS!  Ahh yes...  A kid with a heart!  I love it!

When you have to say goodbye in any situation, let alone one involving a small child, you get a little wake up call.  I heard someone say this week, sometimes God sends/throws pebbles, sometimes He sends/throws boulders, to wake us up.  I felt pebbles and boulders this week.  But I also felt the water taking them on their way.  I slept on the couch with my babies.  I overlooked some petty things.  I held them on my lap and in my arms longer.  These are things that should be happening all of the time.  Things that matter were accentuated this week.  Things I hope to leave as part of my legacy, to my children, were revealed.  Life is short.  You or I do NOT have a time stamped membership to this club called life.  Why aren't we all savoring all of the moments that make life worth living???  If I have learned anything from my friend, it is to suck the last drop of juice out of every situation!!  DRINK IT UP PEOPLE!  Drink it up!

Sweet Baby Kalea...  See you again sweet girl!

All my love and prayers to your all who loved and adored you!

Fears I've Faced with the Help of My OS!

I have a bunch of random fears.  Normal fears, ridiculous fears, common and uncommon fears!  I have fears ranging from fear of heights, all the way to deeper fears, like possible abandonment.  Ever since I became a mother, I have been forced to face a literal spread of fears!  From the time I found out I was pregnant, I learned the importance of facing fears.  The birth process alone is enough to make you realize you don't have much of a choice when it comes to facing fears!  Can I get an "AMEN!" mommas?  ;)
One of the biggest fears my kiddos challenge me on, without even knowing, is my fear of heights.  I have not wanted to pass that on to my kids, so I have faked it like nobodies business when they are in the equation!  It always drives me a little bonkers when kids have fears, but no reason to have them other than absorbing them from the big people around them.  So that brings me to why I am afraid of heights.  As a kid, I ended up stuck on the top wheel of a triple ferris wheel when it broke down.. Er uh...  :(  Also, I have fallen off of the ski lift.  Not once, but twice.  No need to go into details, :)  but just let me tell you I love to ski and snowboard, and it is a shame you need to ride that thing to the top, because I pretty much refuse to go on it!  I am pathetic!  PERIOD!  LOL 
A few years ago, we took the kids to The North Pole.  I have never been much of a thrill seeker, ever.  I remember when I realized that in order for all of the kids to go on the gondola, we would ALL have to ride it...  I looked at Cory and he gave me a little hug and whispered in my ear "you'll be ok, you can do it."  I was white knuckled the whole time as my boys were thrilled and giggling and turning around to wave to their daddy (only adding to my stress levels!  LOL).  They loved it, I loved that they loved it, and I survived it!  I am pretty sure if I didn't ever have kids I would stick to my freaked out ways and avoid that stuff all together!  lol   This isn't the only thing I have ever done to face this fear, but just one of the many things I've done because my babies wanted to!   I have bungee jumped for crying in the milk!  What is wrong with me?  lol
When we were at Disneyland, I knew it was going to be a sardine packed trip of facing more fears!  LUCKY ME!  The worst was Space Mountain!  I remember looking at our boys and how giddy and excited they were running up the ramp to the top of the ride.  Then I looked at Cory and he grabbed my hand and smiled.  What a guy!  lol  Getting on the ride with them was a whole other experience in and of itself!  I was freaking out and if I could have would have gladly took the bail out pass and exited.  ASAP!  Priceless pic below... LOL  Me losing my mind, completely terrified, Cory too, Wyatt and Cody thrilled, and Nathan almost looks bored!  Mission accomplished!  They are not afraid, instead, totally opposite!  That makes me pretty darn torn.  Mostly because I know that entails more rides for me, but thrilled they aren't afraid!

Tonight, there was a pool party for my 2 oldest OS (offspring).  Our community pool has a slide.  I usually escape it minus once or twice each time we head to the pool.  Refer to heights.  It takes me all I can muster from my toenails up to make it up the stairs that 1st time (I usually get better with each run!) and the tricky part is doing it with a smile on my mommy face .  Tonight, the 2 oldest bolted to be with their buddies and there I was with my youngest, with a sparkle in his eye, gazing at the slide!  "Momma, let's go!!!!"  And up we went.  My heart raced that whole trip up (like usual!).  But then, after we went down and he grabbed my hand, with the biggest grin, and asked to go again, I realized my kids aren't the only ones growing up every day!  I lost count after 10 trips down.  Those little rascals don't even know what amazing little teachers and encouragers they are.  I am definitely the winner here!!!  So glad that God knows just what I need to stretch me out a bit!

Maybe one day, I won't think twice.  I'll just jump and go and not even hang on the thread of that particular fear again...  Some fears are healthy, some hold us back!  I for one, am so glad that I have such a strong team urging me on to be free from the ones that have held me back!!!  Fear is not from God, at least the unhealthy crippling fears.  :)  I'd like to think common sense overlaps with some fears!  ;)  Every day I try to cling to that truth!  Heights are just one that are easy to recognize...  Fear of loss, abandonment, or not being loved are all fears we all face at some point, and harder to see.  We are not supposed to live in fear and thankfully, because of Him, most days I live fear free!!!  He gives us an army to help us face these things every day.  I'm blessed to have the 3 cutest army members under my own roof!!!

Are you a gift waiting to be given???

BLOG WITHDRAWALS!!!  :)

As my life is clipping along at mach-10, I keep thinking of all these random things I want to write about!  Life has been a serious marathon lately and I can't exactly tell you how, only that I can totally feel it to my bones!  The sheer exhaustion that plagues my body by this time every day is proof that I am completely out of balance lately!  Oh well, such is life, right?  I mean, c'mon fellow mommas in the trenches (or just fellow busy peeps!), tell me I am not alone...  ???  :)
Something caught me by surprise yesterday and I knew I had to take the time to jot it down today, or else misplace the feelings I had all afternoon and into last night!  While at swimming lessons, I had the pleasure of chatting with a pregger momma.  She wasn't just your average momma.  She was adorable!  In great shape, and if I had to guess I would've said, maybe (like MAYBE!!!) 6 -7 months along!  She was keeping a watch on her 2 kiddos in the water and I would pass her as I was making my rounds, keeping my own eyes on the 7 I had in the water (my 3 OS, and 4 borrowed babes!).  I couldn't stand it.  I'm a sucker for all things baby!  So as we were both watching our kiddos in Level 2, I couldn't help but smile and talk about her adorable baby bump.  She rubbed it and said, "only 5 weeks to go!"  Picture my head snapping, because people!- I didn't look like at 5 months let alone 9 months!  I smiled and we chatted more...  She said she hoped she stayed in there for 5 more weeks because her (as in the baby, as she rubbed her belly, where this tiny baby girl was growing) "mommy and daddy wouldn't be in town for another 4 weeks."  Ya with me here?  I was asking all kinds of questions in my head....  You know you are too!  :)
Turns out this incredible mom is a surrogate mommy.  I AM SO GIDDY WITH DELIGHT AND GLEE OVER THE SELFLESSNESS OF THAT GIFT I CANNOT EVEN CONVEY THAT, EVEN WITH MY CAPS!!!!  I myself have considered doing that for a few different people in my life, and honestly I just don't know if I was made with the correct wiring for such a service!  You really have to know yourself well enough to know you can carry this baby, feeling the miracle of the growth process, take care of this priceless package, deliver this sweet baby, let it be part of your family for almost a year and then hand it over to another mommy.  No dollar amount can ever compensate for that emotional process (we didn't talk one second about that fyi...). 
I was in awe of this mommy who has obviously taken great joy in being able to give this gift to a set of parents that have longed for a baby of their own.  She herself knows the immense joy that comes from being a parent.  Enough to want to sacrifice her own body and all that goes with maintaining a healthy pregnancy!  She even plans on pumping for this family for the 1st month and then continuing on with the milk bank for the NICUs until she is done.  WOW!!!!  Having donated to the milk bank myself, there is no compensation for that whatsoever.  That is 100% a love donation.  I was walking on air talking to this amazing woman, smiling from ear to ear!  I honestly said I didn't know if I was capable of such a gift, she replied "but I bet you give selflessly in your own ways!  It is what makes our world a better place for our own children!"  AMEN SISTER!!!!  DING DING DING!!!  She nailed it!  My mind swirled all afternoon thinking about her...
I went to bed thinking about how much I love to give.  Thinking about how others are motivated to give.  Selfishly, I love the feeling in the depth of my soul when I know that I have made a mark, and worked for Jesus.  No matter what it is.  Anything as simple as keeping some one's kiddos for a date night, a note in the mail, or something huge!  I have always felt that the more you did in secret the bigger the reward for yourself and in your treasure box in heaven.  In fact, if I am being honest, I hate to be recognized when I get busted for something I tried to do on the sly, because it is much more impactful in my own heart to know that something was appreciated.  I feel like if you have to tell someone what you have done, you have only robbed yourself!  :)  To see a smile and true thankfulness, that is worth a pile of thank you notes with no addressee on them...  Maybe you don't even have to see it, just knowing that there will be a smile is enough.

To the world, what this mommy is doing could have many different reactions.  To the couple getting ready to meet their beautiful baby girl in 5 more weeks, this mommy is the world to them!  What would our world be like, if we downsized our recipients and just focused on making 1, 2 or a few people feel loved on?  I'm thinking that hearts could be transformed on a regular basis!!!  So, ya, get out there and bless someone in secret!  Go do something that makes a love mark on somebody's heart!

So much to say, so little webspace!

My heart has been pulled in about 48 different ways in the last few weeks...  Between sick kiddos, tax season, friends in the straights (and valleys and fires), my family's busy schedules, and well... just life...  I have had a hard time finding a balance for myself.  I have mostly been on the teetering side of unhealthy-out-of-whackness (yes, a word! LOL)!  Only now, just in time to start getting ready for a big family vacation (more to come on that one!), am I feeling a little more myself, walking a straighter line.

I am so blessed that I have a center.  A place to come back to, especially when life is chaotic!  God is my grounding wire!  I have a husband who is not afraid to tell me I have stretched myself too thin, or tied myself is crazy knots!  I have kids who aren't afraid to tell me when they have needs that need to be met!  **I have amazing boys by the way.  They communicate in amazing ways.  They express love like no other!  They love me in abundance and forgive me endlessly...  Talk about radiating God's love!...  I just had to share that sidenote!**  I try to keep myself sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudgings, and have learned when I don't move, I usually get moved...  Sometimes brutally!  lol 

Something I have never taken seriously since I started on my walk and since I was given a 2nd shot at life, through Him, was the Sabbath.  In fact, I used to think it was such a foreign thought!  I mean, HELLO!!!!  I have things to do on the weekend!  I can't take a WHOLE DAY OFF!!!  I had heard of people doing it and I really didn't think much about it.  I have been on near total burnout for a while and low and behold, the whole Sabbath thing has been all over my world!  I finally gave in to this extremely foreign, difficult to apply and submit to, way of thinking!  I am on week 4 of honoring a day of rest every week.  Wouldn't you know it that the 1st weekend I submitted, and cleared our schedule, that was the night the kids got super sick and I was on my toes for 5 days straight!  I was so thankful God had me rest beforehand and I was prepared to take care of my children, and get this, I didn't even get sick myself!  Normally, I would've been so run down already that I would have nose dived, right behind my children and been sicker than any of them!

I have been taught how to apply healthy boundaries to almost all aspects of my life.. Some are harder to apply than others.  I have been able to untwist myself out of the ball that I got myself into.  I have gotten myself back to my priorities.  It's hard because, not only do I love God, love my husband, love my family and love my job, I just love people in general!  I love to be there for my friends, because they are my family too!  And because I have been blessed to acquire so many deep, real and fulfilling relationships, I want to make sure I invest in them and keep them growing!  Sometimes it is hard to figure it all out and make sure I am on target with were I should be and not just where I think I need to be.  I'm trying!  ;) 

When I am where I am supposed to be, the peace in my heart is unreal!  The peace in my home, is amazing!  Even in the trials and fire, when it is right, I'm alright....  Things aren't any easier than before, but I have had enough rest and enough time with my Daddy, to keep myself going and thankful for another chance every morning I wake up!  Life is good...  Maybe, dare I say, GREAT????  I think yes!

Balanced.. for now, until the next weight drops and I do this all over again... And inevitably fall off the shelf and give myself a new chip or ding...
K