I remember the first time I felt this way. I felt like I was doing a pretty decent job meeting #1's needs. I was a decent mom with normal flaws. My whole perception of that changed the morning we had #2. I basically had a full on panic attack at 4am. I snuck in and scooped up #1 (yes, at 4am) and rocked him and wept. I promised him mommy would still love him the same and that I would do my best to still be a good mommy and make time for him. I sobbed... His lil' head was soaked with my tears, and he was mostly sleeping through mommy's lil' meltdown. I sang "our lullaby" to him.. Even adjusted the verse about one kid, to 2 kids and cried even harder... (I was also terrified I might die, whole other story..lol).. Cory was positive I had been abducted by the hormone aliens (for the 579th time!). I tucked Wywy back into bed, and went to our room and hit my knees and sobbed some more.. I begged God to help me not blow it! A few short hours later, as I was nursing #2, #1 came and laid in bed with us. He rubbed my face and his baby brother's head and smiled... I felt this peace come over me right before my heart almost exploded out of my chest, in a good way.. lol I thanked God for His faithfulness and told Him I knew I was still gonna need help.. ;)
I am blessed by amazing children who, honest to goodness, were never jealous of each other (Answer to prayer? I think so!). Well, ok, lol, #1 was worried I might have had chocolate milk this time and could he please try it (the answer was no and no.. lol). #2 asked if I had orange juice and could he taste it (the answer was no and no..lol)? But they were always thrilled with the new addition and that made it easier on me and harder all at once. Some very wise mommies told me how important one on one time was when we had #2. Thank you God for them! They were so right! Since the boys have always loved each other so much and have not put up a fight about that, it was even more clear that I needed to set aside special alone time for each of them. For both, mommy/son and daddy/son time. The boys love being together with each of us, but they radiate when they have us to themselves! With 3, it is a huge priority of ours to get that special time with each of them and helps us to keep learning about each of their individual uniquenesses (a word? YES IT IS! lol)!
Today was "morning with mom" at #1's school. I got up, did my hair, my makeup, put on a nice sweater and pretty necklace. Wy was thrilled! Wasn't even too bummed when I accidentally forgot to use the perfume he gave me. Happy nonetheless! Dropped his 2 littles off with one of my awesome families (Thanks Cary!) and off we went! The thing about about that mornings with mom stuff.. A lot of chatty moms.. Wonderful chatty moms! Wy had asked me to get him some juice.. You betchya buddy! I got stopped by 3 wonderful mommas along the way... I knew I crushed the morning when he walked passed me and got his own juice and went and sat back down by himself at a table full of girls (all his buddies had went outside and only the coodies remained... :( ). My heart sunk and I broke away immediately, but it was too late. He put on his coat and thanked me for coming in, gave me a hug and went off to class. I blew it ya'll! BLEW IT! I got distracted, and tainted the only date we had had in quite a while... And he was sucking it up and on his way...
I am blessed by amazing friends, who are always a phone call away! One of these special ladies said "yes and she was bringing dessert!" to my request of her coming to cover my kiddos while I snuck off to bring lunch lunch to #1. They aren't just good, they are AWESOME! ;) I was off at a dead run! I came flying into the school and caught him at the lunch cashier... I was sucking wind with Chinese in hand... his reply? "Mommy I'm sorry I got lunch, I didn't know you were coming!" lol Best $2 I ever threw in the trash! PS.. I forgot how gross school lunch could be... We chatted, toasted our yummy food and cookies from Sharon... And smiled lots! He made my day! Called awesome friend to check on kids to see if I had time to surprise #2 for a few minutes at his school "No problem, they are playing with their "farts" (homemade Gak)"..LOL! SAWEET! (#2 doesn't know it, but another sweet friend will be covering Monday so I can have lunch with his cute lil booty! :) ) #2 was even in the hall when I came in.. HUGE grin met by even bigger hug! Bliss for both of us! His angel of a teacher (whom #1 had as well!) indulged our brief time and had him tell me about the special things from their day! A sweet treat for both of us! Ahhh.. all was well in my heart again...
So honored that God felt I deserved a mulligan today! I learned a valuable lesson about mornings with mom today (and after 5 yrs, you'd think this was a no brainer, but...lol.)... Pick a seat on the floor, against the wall, in the back of the room! Out of sight of any chatty distractions, where I can focus on my wonderful boys only! I have learned this lesson in other areas as well. I've even given the kids permission to call me out being on the computer outside of my designated times, that makes them feel like I am distracted. I've gotten comfortable with letting the phone go to voicemail during storytimes, mealtimes or anytimes where we are all engaged... I'm sure God will continue to show me where I need to work on things...
Tonight, I will tickle #3's face until he falls asleep, one of our most favorite Nathan Mommy things to do... I will continue trying to balance things out since I can't be everywhere at once and meeting their every need is just a fleeting thought that I have accepted as unrealistic! ;) lol Omniscience... I'd still like some! ;) lol I can still remember that terrifying feeling the morning #2 came into our lives, but am so glad we were designed to love all of our babies and that they can all be our favorites! I was a little better when #3 came, and today I think I have a decent handle on it.
What is your favorite thing to do with your alone times with your kiddos? I love new ideas.... ;)
PS... This is my 2nd attempt at this... My first blog today was one of my best yet and I couldn't wait to share.. I hope I remembered most of what was in the "1st draft"... Another lesson learned... "Auto save".. DO NOT RELY ON IT! Blogging lesson by fire... #1... Sad one for me!!! :(
Happy weekend all!
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