Much needed "Proud Momma Moments" from out of nowhere!

Sitting here on the porch on this perfect rainy summer evening.  In fact, I have to say, I love this part of summer!!!  What a special treat to watch the rain roll in and out.  A perfect sunrise to the left of me, and sleeping kids behind me.  Ahh yes, a little more proof that I am His favorite!  ;) 

Beware, this post is scattered with some sadness, and realities.  Mixed in with some of my mommy heart...  My mind was everywhere, and the blog went all over with it...

Today was a pretty spectacular day as far as random Thursdays go.  In fact, if I think really hard (and with very few active brain cells, that is a very difficult thing to do.. ) this entire week had been pretty sweet.  As far as what has happened in my own 4 walls.  I needed sweet this week.  I needed it badly!  In case you hadn't heard, one of my momma friends suffered the worst kind of loss and tragedy you can imagine as a mommy.  She had to say goodbye to her sweet 11 month old baby girl, due to a tragic accident.  This is the 2nd time my friend has had to do this in 4 yrs.  I can't even fathom, wrap my head around, or hardly accept this.  In fact, no one that I know of, can.  This has made me want to drink my babies up!  I have been in awe of what the week brought me in the form of my small peeps and the joy they have radiated every day.

My middle OS, is so intuitive, it is kind of scary.  I was trying hard to hold myself together while the sobs rolled up inside of me, before a sound even came out, not even a sniff, he had his arms wrapped around me, telling me it would all be ok.  They had prayed for this sweet baby so they knew why I was sad.  I hadn't told them many details.  In all of his 7 yr old wisdom he goes "Mom, you still have us to hug and love."  I told him that that was why I was so sad.  "Our friend wouldn't get to see her baby grow up and say silly things and comfort her mommy like he was comforting me."  he looked up at me with his big blue eyes, and said "Mom, not right now, but she will forever in heaven."  Ahhhh....  So proud of that boy.

This has been a week of sometimes too much seriousness and not enough giggles.  I needed to find a balance.  Kids have a way of finding it for you.  My youngest OS loved being in VBS last week.  His awesome teacher happens to be our neighbor.  She stopped by to share how funny our kid is..  Uh oh.  Yes, that was my first thought!  LOL  After he came out of the bathroom, he asked her "if she had heard that?"  "Heard what?" she asked.  "When I pistol farted.  I farted and it sounded just like a pistol! IT WAS AWESOME!"  Ay yai yai....  So er uh, proud, ya that is the word!  What we love about him is that he is just naturally funny.  he doesn't aim to make you laugh.  In fact he doesn't even care if you do laugh.  he is just funny!  He has kept it up in true form all week long!  :)  It's hard to stay sad with that kid around!

My oldest OS has a heart bigger than Texas.  He really does.  The fact that he is like this at 10 years old just blows me away!  Quite the amazing young man in training.  He had really wanted his buddy to come and hang out with him today (I gotta give it to him.  It isn't easy being the oldest kid during the summer.  Some might even call it "lame!").  However, said buddy got really sunburned while at the lake with us yesterday (A pretty much perfect day in and of itself really!  I have such an amazing group of kiddos!  So fun!) and didn't feel so well today.  He was gonna couch surf and chill out today.  I wondered which direction oldest OS would go with this news...  To my pleasant surprise, not too bummed out and was on a new mission.  After we got our stuff done, he requested we search out a treat for his buddy (yes, I know, he is gonna make a great husband!!!  :)  ).  We had a birthday to celebrate so we headed to our favorite ice cream place.  We all finished up and went in and started making his treat to take to his buddy.  EVERYONE was helping, even the wee tot!  The frozen yogurt cup really couldn't take much more filling up, and the owner, who happened to be in the shop asked what they were up to.  Oldest OS explained the reason for such gluttony, and when we went to pay for what should have been an $8 treat, he told the oldest "no charge, pay it forward, oh wait, you already are!" and winked at us.  My kid gets it.  He was even going to pay with his own money.  I know that 1 certain young man had a huge grin on his face when his treat showed up at his door!  Oldest OS said, "MAN!  That felt good!!!"  AGREED oldest OS!  Ahh yes...  A kid with a heart!  I love it!

When you have to say goodbye in any situation, let alone one involving a small child, you get a little wake up call.  I heard someone say this week, sometimes God sends/throws pebbles, sometimes He sends/throws boulders, to wake us up.  I felt pebbles and boulders this week.  But I also felt the water taking them on their way.  I slept on the couch with my babies.  I overlooked some petty things.  I held them on my lap and in my arms longer.  These are things that should be happening all of the time.  Things that matter were accentuated this week.  Things I hope to leave as part of my legacy, to my children, were revealed.  Life is short.  You or I do NOT have a time stamped membership to this club called life.  Why aren't we all savoring all of the moments that make life worth living???  If I have learned anything from my friend, it is to suck the last drop of juice out of every situation!!  DRINK IT UP PEOPLE!  Drink it up!

Sweet Baby Kalea...  See you again sweet girl!

All my love and prayers to your all who loved and adored you!

Fears I've Faced with the Help of My OS!

I have a bunch of random fears.  Normal fears, ridiculous fears, common and uncommon fears!  I have fears ranging from fear of heights, all the way to deeper fears, like possible abandonment.  Ever since I became a mother, I have been forced to face a literal spread of fears!  From the time I found out I was pregnant, I learned the importance of facing fears.  The birth process alone is enough to make you realize you don't have much of a choice when it comes to facing fears!  Can I get an "AMEN!" mommas?  ;)
One of the biggest fears my kiddos challenge me on, without even knowing, is my fear of heights.  I have not wanted to pass that on to my kids, so I have faked it like nobodies business when they are in the equation!  It always drives me a little bonkers when kids have fears, but no reason to have them other than absorbing them from the big people around them.  So that brings me to why I am afraid of heights.  As a kid, I ended up stuck on the top wheel of a triple ferris wheel when it broke down.. Er uh...  :(  Also, I have fallen off of the ski lift.  Not once, but twice.  No need to go into details, :)  but just let me tell you I love to ski and snowboard, and it is a shame you need to ride that thing to the top, because I pretty much refuse to go on it!  I am pathetic!  PERIOD!  LOL 
A few years ago, we took the kids to The North Pole.  I have never been much of a thrill seeker, ever.  I remember when I realized that in order for all of the kids to go on the gondola, we would ALL have to ride it...  I looked at Cory and he gave me a little hug and whispered in my ear "you'll be ok, you can do it."  I was white knuckled the whole time as my boys were thrilled and giggling and turning around to wave to their daddy (only adding to my stress levels!  LOL).  They loved it, I loved that they loved it, and I survived it!  I am pretty sure if I didn't ever have kids I would stick to my freaked out ways and avoid that stuff all together!  lol   This isn't the only thing I have ever done to face this fear, but just one of the many things I've done because my babies wanted to!   I have bungee jumped for crying in the milk!  What is wrong with me?  lol
When we were at Disneyland, I knew it was going to be a sardine packed trip of facing more fears!  LUCKY ME!  The worst was Space Mountain!  I remember looking at our boys and how giddy and excited they were running up the ramp to the top of the ride.  Then I looked at Cory and he grabbed my hand and smiled.  What a guy!  lol  Getting on the ride with them was a whole other experience in and of itself!  I was freaking out and if I could have would have gladly took the bail out pass and exited.  ASAP!  Priceless pic below... LOL  Me losing my mind, completely terrified, Cory too, Wyatt and Cody thrilled, and Nathan almost looks bored!  Mission accomplished!  They are not afraid, instead, totally opposite!  That makes me pretty darn torn.  Mostly because I know that entails more rides for me, but thrilled they aren't afraid!

Tonight, there was a pool party for my 2 oldest OS (offspring).  Our community pool has a slide.  I usually escape it minus once or twice each time we head to the pool.  Refer to heights.  It takes me all I can muster from my toenails up to make it up the stairs that 1st time (I usually get better with each run!) and the tricky part is doing it with a smile on my mommy face .  Tonight, the 2 oldest bolted to be with their buddies and there I was with my youngest, with a sparkle in his eye, gazing at the slide!  "Momma, let's go!!!!"  And up we went.  My heart raced that whole trip up (like usual!).  But then, after we went down and he grabbed my hand, with the biggest grin, and asked to go again, I realized my kids aren't the only ones growing up every day!  I lost count after 10 trips down.  Those little rascals don't even know what amazing little teachers and encouragers they are.  I am definitely the winner here!!!  So glad that God knows just what I need to stretch me out a bit!

Maybe one day, I won't think twice.  I'll just jump and go and not even hang on the thread of that particular fear again...  Some fears are healthy, some hold us back!  I for one, am so glad that I have such a strong team urging me on to be free from the ones that have held me back!!!  Fear is not from God, at least the unhealthy crippling fears.  :)  I'd like to think common sense overlaps with some fears!  ;)  Every day I try to cling to that truth!  Heights are just one that are easy to recognize...  Fear of loss, abandonment, or not being loved are all fears we all face at some point, and harder to see.  We are not supposed to live in fear and thankfully, because of Him, most days I live fear free!!!  He gives us an army to help us face these things every day.  I'm blessed to have the 3 cutest army members under my own roof!!!

Are you a gift waiting to be given???

BLOG WITHDRAWALS!!!  :)

As my life is clipping along at mach-10, I keep thinking of all these random things I want to write about!  Life has been a serious marathon lately and I can't exactly tell you how, only that I can totally feel it to my bones!  The sheer exhaustion that plagues my body by this time every day is proof that I am completely out of balance lately!  Oh well, such is life, right?  I mean, c'mon fellow mommas in the trenches (or just fellow busy peeps!), tell me I am not alone...  ???  :)
Something caught me by surprise yesterday and I knew I had to take the time to jot it down today, or else misplace the feelings I had all afternoon and into last night!  While at swimming lessons, I had the pleasure of chatting with a pregger momma.  She wasn't just your average momma.  She was adorable!  In great shape, and if I had to guess I would've said, maybe (like MAYBE!!!) 6 -7 months along!  She was keeping a watch on her 2 kiddos in the water and I would pass her as I was making my rounds, keeping my own eyes on the 7 I had in the water (my 3 OS, and 4 borrowed babes!).  I couldn't stand it.  I'm a sucker for all things baby!  So as we were both watching our kiddos in Level 2, I couldn't help but smile and talk about her adorable baby bump.  She rubbed it and said, "only 5 weeks to go!"  Picture my head snapping, because people!- I didn't look like at 5 months let alone 9 months!  I smiled and we chatted more...  She said she hoped she stayed in there for 5 more weeks because her (as in the baby, as she rubbed her belly, where this tiny baby girl was growing) "mommy and daddy wouldn't be in town for another 4 weeks."  Ya with me here?  I was asking all kinds of questions in my head....  You know you are too!  :)
Turns out this incredible mom is a surrogate mommy.  I AM SO GIDDY WITH DELIGHT AND GLEE OVER THE SELFLESSNESS OF THAT GIFT I CANNOT EVEN CONVEY THAT, EVEN WITH MY CAPS!!!!  I myself have considered doing that for a few different people in my life, and honestly I just don't know if I was made with the correct wiring for such a service!  You really have to know yourself well enough to know you can carry this baby, feeling the miracle of the growth process, take care of this priceless package, deliver this sweet baby, let it be part of your family for almost a year and then hand it over to another mommy.  No dollar amount can ever compensate for that emotional process (we didn't talk one second about that fyi...). 
I was in awe of this mommy who has obviously taken great joy in being able to give this gift to a set of parents that have longed for a baby of their own.  She herself knows the immense joy that comes from being a parent.  Enough to want to sacrifice her own body and all that goes with maintaining a healthy pregnancy!  She even plans on pumping for this family for the 1st month and then continuing on with the milk bank for the NICUs until she is done.  WOW!!!!  Having donated to the milk bank myself, there is no compensation for that whatsoever.  That is 100% a love donation.  I was walking on air talking to this amazing woman, smiling from ear to ear!  I honestly said I didn't know if I was capable of such a gift, she replied "but I bet you give selflessly in your own ways!  It is what makes our world a better place for our own children!"  AMEN SISTER!!!!  DING DING DING!!!  She nailed it!  My mind swirled all afternoon thinking about her...
I went to bed thinking about how much I love to give.  Thinking about how others are motivated to give.  Selfishly, I love the feeling in the depth of my soul when I know that I have made a mark, and worked for Jesus.  No matter what it is.  Anything as simple as keeping some one's kiddos for a date night, a note in the mail, or something huge!  I have always felt that the more you did in secret the bigger the reward for yourself and in your treasure box in heaven.  In fact, if I am being honest, I hate to be recognized when I get busted for something I tried to do on the sly, because it is much more impactful in my own heart to know that something was appreciated.  I feel like if you have to tell someone what you have done, you have only robbed yourself!  :)  To see a smile and true thankfulness, that is worth a pile of thank you notes with no addressee on them...  Maybe you don't even have to see it, just knowing that there will be a smile is enough.

To the world, what this mommy is doing could have many different reactions.  To the couple getting ready to meet their beautiful baby girl in 5 more weeks, this mommy is the world to them!  What would our world be like, if we downsized our recipients and just focused on making 1, 2 or a few people feel loved on?  I'm thinking that hearts could be transformed on a regular basis!!!  So, ya, get out there and bless someone in secret!  Go do something that makes a love mark on somebody's heart!