The bedtime crusher...

I'm pretty sure any mom out there, who has more than 1 child, has not kept up the pace she started with the 1st child.  Or maybe, just maybe, I am hoping that is the case to relieve my guilt.  Just a bit...  It is obvious to me how I have slowed the pace down with each child just by looking at my walls and the bare spots on the shelves, where the 2nd and 3rd child's baby books should be.

Tonight, I was stopped cold in my mommy tracks!  We are all still tired and worn out from a terrific weekend of camping, and it was a mellow night of sorts around here (minus my new found inner Hillbilly Handfishing junkie!  I watched too much of it and am now even more convicted of how I wasted time this afternoon!).  I was tucking in the 2 oldest OS and while I was loving on my middle OS, he noticed his oldest bro looking at a mini baby book of the himself.  While I was hugging him, he asked me "Mommy, why don't I have a baby book?"  I really wish somebody would've shot me in the eye with a paintball gun instead!  OUCH!!!

*This has never been me, nor will it ever be me, but I'm sure this is what it looks like if you have baby books for each of your babies on a Friday night scrap!*  ;)

I cannot even tell you how bad I feel that only my oldest OS has a book filled with pictures of him as a baby.  Or that I used to take him to have his pictures taken every 3 months that 1st year.  I wrote down every milestone in his little calendar that I had on the fridge.  I took notes on it from the Dr's office, wrote down every little thing.  I was a mom in love!  Then my 2nd precious son came along.  I don't want to make too many excuses, but our lives kind of went haywire the day I came home from the hospital with him.  That afternoon TG's boss called and informed him he got the transfer and he was expected to start the new job, 6 hrs away, in 2 weeks.  I don't remember a whole lot of anything in the month that followed...  Let's be real, I don't remember a ton of information from that entire next 6 months.  It was full on crazy!  I kept track of what I could on the regular wall calendar, since I lost his baby calendar in the move.  I took what pictures I could, because I remember those being some squeaky tight times.  And actually doing things regularly?  YA RIGHT!

Then came sweet baby boy #3!  3 OS under 6+ full childcare+TG gone most of the time+life= 1 crazy busy momma!  Well, you can only guess where this is going...  He had his pictures taken barely by 6 weeks (not even newborn!) and then again after he turned 1!  His calendar consisted of sticky notes scribbled on 2 different calendars.  I hope he never finds this post, but I'll clear my conscience here.  A few major milestones I had to guess on when I realized I never wrote them down, easily a month or 2 or 3 later!  EEEKKSS!  

When my dinosaur computer crashed (have only had the laptop for a yr now), I bawled, realizing I never backed up any of the pictures from the last 7 years!  Nor had I barely printed any of them out!  I can't tell you how I rejoiced when my computer peeps were able to restore it all!!!  Now is where I admit I still haven't back it all up, so I barely use it because I don't want to risk it going down before I do...  Getting sick just thinking about all of this...  I only got handprints done for the youngest.  That part makes me ill to my bones!  I was given handprint kits for each baby.  Used 1!  AHHHHH!!!

I have a good chunk of things sorted out for each boy now.  You know, the papers from each of them from the hospital.  The little bands they wore.  1 little bitty diaper from each of their baby days (no, I didn't cheat on those!  lol), you get the idea...  Now that I cleared out that horribly scary room I have a pretty good lead on it.  Now, I just need to get after it and really sort out my pictures on the computer (a daunting task as my old camera was always resetting it's date stamp to a random date, usually in "202-something!" so I know it will be slightly difficult to sort them all!  But after tonight, I think I have some extra fuel to get it going.

In fact, my heart strings our crossfiring with my brain cells, and I do believe instead of something sewn for my boys Christmas gift, this year's gift will come in a picture laden book!  Especially because I don't think I can hear my 3rd OS ask me where his book is in a couple of years without my heart snapping in two!!!  Tomorrow, I will be searching my many ideas and deciding on an avenue.  Will it be printing out the pages?  Snapfish books?  Scrapbooks?  Ya, lol, probably not a real scrapbook, but I am gonna start working on something, soon, starting on my middle guy 1st!  I can't wait to dig up some memories for them, and maybe even find some proof that mommy really was there for most of what has taken place so far! LOL

*Mine might look something like this!*

I guess it could be worse.  I could never pick up a camera or my phone and miss it all!  At least I have that going for me.  It is also what I will use when I apologize to all of my OS in the am...  If I have learned anything as a momma, it is that you can't do it all, all of the time.  Too bad I stink as bad as I do in this particular area!  Love that my babies are nearly as forgiving as a puppy...  ;)  Without Grace and Mercy, it wouldn't be worth getting up each day!  So blessed....



Confession from the Crazy Christian Lady...

This could be anything, right?  I mean us crazy, Christian, Bible thumping types, we can say some crazy things, right?  LOL  Well I hope I'm not so much of a Bible thumper as much as a Bible liver, but anyhoos...  ;)   I have to admit how much I love a stocked pantry and freezer!  I inherited my grandma's depression baby ways, and have many areas to prove it!  I love when the pasta shelf is full...  I love when the cereal shelf is piled up with the kids' favorite cereal, Life in particular!  I love when the freezer is full of meat, fruits and veggies!  Butter and juice in the doors, are like the whip cream on top!  Throw in some special treats and you have the cherry on top!  ;0)

I like this crazy random thing for many a reason!  Number 1 reason, however, wait for it... wait for it.... is...  The curious lil child of God in me, who wonders when the 2nd coming will be, knows if it happens anytime in the next month, we're set!  lol  (Especially since my garden also happens to be going gangbusters!)  I rarely admit that to many people, because that is tough topic with other believers, let alone people who think we are crazy, period!  lol  So here it is, my public announcement!  I love being prepared in this area.  Even going through a tornado and having no power for almost 2 weeks, that was as close as I got and was so relieved that during that we were A-OK..  We even had company over a few times!  How many people would brag that they have a nice generator that can run both refrigerators and the freezer!  Who only knows what will happen if Christ returns while I am still alive, but golly, my family will have food!  ;)  lol  That, is another fine trait I am proud to have, from my AWESOME Grandma Clayton!  I LOVE to feed people!  :)

The other main reason, I love being stocked up, is that I really actually loathe going to the store.  Going out is a huge chore and I love being able to walk out to the garage, or downstairs to get what I need for almost anything I would like to bake, cook, or even snack on!  I shop for fruits and veggies (that I am not growing or buying locally) once a week at most (for you local peeps, you could shop twice a month, on Wednesdays at Sprouts, and hit all 4 of their sales!).  I loathe it if I have to run in for just a few things!  Such a waste of my time and unless I have time to make it worthwhile and redeem one of my Starbucks gift cards, ;), I walk out pretty mad at myself!  My milk is delivered twice a week, eggs delivered as needed, so have no need to have to run for those!  I should give credit to some of my awesome girlfriends and childcare mommas who help me in a pinch and pick stuff up for me when they are out!  I am blessed by them more than they will ever know!  :)  In fact, when I think about the awesome neighbors I do have, with whom we raid each others stockpiles, and our awesome little community, we rock in this area!!!  :)

Sometimes I just like to longingly gaze into my upright freezer.  lol  Mostly because it is more organized than the one in the house that is catch all for EVERYTHING!  My chicken (that I stock up when its on sale) is neatly stacked by breasts, thighs, legs, strips, etc...  lol  My tomatoes look beautiful laying in their gallon sized bags, waiting to be pulled out and thawed and most likely turned into spaghetti sauce, with their friends, the chopped onions and peppers in the door next to them!  ;)   My peaches are stacked, waiting for the same beginnings and then combined with sugar (out of my 10 lb container!  lol) and splash of cinnamon from it's giant Sam Sized splendor!  lol  Not much in our house has this much order (although the fabric my lovely friends Sarah and Trish sorted out in my new sewing room beats it by a landslide!  :)  lol) so I try to get my peacefulness where I can!  You may find yours in your room or your living room, I find it in the freezer.. All is well!  ;)  Epiphany...  My kids rarely touch the freezer.. Hmmmmmm....  I'm onto something!

TG was really wigged out by my desire to stock up on things when we were first married. I get it kind of, it was just he and I, and then one little baby.  He became more at ease with by the time the 2nd OS came along.  When the 3rd OS came along, I noted he would get mildly upset if he would go to the pantry to retrieve a favorite, like a box of mac and cheese for instance (which by the way, went from $7.58 for 12 boxes the last time I bought it to almost $11 tonight when I was at Sam's!  CRAZINESS $$$!) and we would be out.  He too, had come to love our pantry!!  ;)  It was a tender moment for me!  lol  He gets it now and sees how my ways save us money and tons of time!  Well, he doesn't admit those exact words to me, but I can see it in his eyes when he wants something and there it is!  lol

I always cringe when I am at someone's house and their fridge is a bit, uhm, empty (By empty, I mean a visitor can actually see what is there, with way too much ease! lol), and their cupboards tend to match.  I have finally rationalized those type of people into this group, "The Love To Shoppers!"  I think their lack of food has nothing to do with any of my other crazy views!  lol  And I figure they don't like to have company, but that might be pushing it.. A little...  ;)  At any rate, isn't it funny what makes each of feel happy and secure in our homes?  For the next person it could be a loaded gun, or huge dogs, or maybe it's all of the above for someone else.  I know my neighbors, around mealtimes, all love that I am the way I am, ok, MOST of my neighbors!  LOL!

Blogging rules?

I didn't know there were such things.. You know?  Rules for blogging?  HUH?  Well, I was informed that you should be blogging at least 3 times per week to keep your audience.  In a perfect world, that sounds so lovely!  I have a lot of things I'd like to do at least 3 times per week.  Sewing, baking and reading to name a few.  Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) the only things that get done more than 3 times per week are laundry, meals, bathtime, and poop patrol!  It's a sad situation.

I wish I could text to my blog!  Especially on the 10 day road trip we just took to CA, with our camper (which I thought I never wanted, but might quite honestly be the coolest thing we have ever spent our money on, and so glad TG talked me into it!  Was a blast taking it across the country!  Just don't let him know how cool I think it is, I want him to think I still miss my tent!  lol) in tow!  I seriously had thoughts of stuff to write about, every 20 miles!  With each new situation, I had plenty of funny to go around the earth twice!  The irony in that trip?  We only had the opportunity to be linked to wifi about 2 or 3 times!  For maybe 15 or 20 minutes each time!  lol 

Have you ever heard the saying "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"?  I would seriously love to do this more often, but the truth of the matter is, my life does not qualify as normal, by any stretch of the imagination.  Therefore, there is not a normal or regular time I can sit and blog.  Today I am sitting on the couch next to the mountain of laundry from the said trip, trying to ignore the dull moaning I hear coming from it while I do this!  lol   I heard an awesome song that so applies to my life and I had to share it here, so I put my big laundry blinders on, with Pandora still roaring.  Insert SMILE here!  :)  I love writing!  It is such a defrag for me!

Not that I have ever been a big rule follower, but I am going to try for once a week.  I am journaling more in a notebook so hope to gather up some good stuff and share it here.  School has started, and once again, nap times are quiet and mostly just have myself to keep track of!  Lots of big things going on around here.  Wait, there is always lots going on around here!   I do have some fun pics to share though!  I took a bunch in January, but only posted a couple!  I can't wait to show you what 8 months can do to your house!  And well, can't do as well!  lol 

One last thing.  Tall Guy and I are celebrating 11 years married today!  This trip showed me how amazing we are as a team.  How love is a sacrifice in its own right!  How hard work and determination can pay off!  I love that guy and am proud to be his wife.  I am praying for many a marriage right now!!!  I hope that you give your spouse an extra hug and kiss today, and do 3 things just because, because it changes your heart!!!  See you in no more than a week!!!

Much needed "Proud Momma Moments" from out of nowhere!

Sitting here on the porch on this perfect rainy summer evening.  In fact, I have to say, I love this part of summer!!!  What a special treat to watch the rain roll in and out.  A perfect sunrise to the left of me, and sleeping kids behind me.  Ahh yes, a little more proof that I am His favorite!  ;) 

Beware, this post is scattered with some sadness, and realities.  Mixed in with some of my mommy heart...  My mind was everywhere, and the blog went all over with it...

Today was a pretty spectacular day as far as random Thursdays go.  In fact, if I think really hard (and with very few active brain cells, that is a very difficult thing to do.. ) this entire week had been pretty sweet.  As far as what has happened in my own 4 walls.  I needed sweet this week.  I needed it badly!  In case you hadn't heard, one of my momma friends suffered the worst kind of loss and tragedy you can imagine as a mommy.  She had to say goodbye to her sweet 11 month old baby girl, due to a tragic accident.  This is the 2nd time my friend has had to do this in 4 yrs.  I can't even fathom, wrap my head around, or hardly accept this.  In fact, no one that I know of, can.  This has made me want to drink my babies up!  I have been in awe of what the week brought me in the form of my small peeps and the joy they have radiated every day.

My middle OS, is so intuitive, it is kind of scary.  I was trying hard to hold myself together while the sobs rolled up inside of me, before a sound even came out, not even a sniff, he had his arms wrapped around me, telling me it would all be ok.  They had prayed for this sweet baby so they knew why I was sad.  I hadn't told them many details.  In all of his 7 yr old wisdom he goes "Mom, you still have us to hug and love."  I told him that that was why I was so sad.  "Our friend wouldn't get to see her baby grow up and say silly things and comfort her mommy like he was comforting me."  he looked up at me with his big blue eyes, and said "Mom, not right now, but she will forever in heaven."  Ahhhh....  So proud of that boy.

This has been a week of sometimes too much seriousness and not enough giggles.  I needed to find a balance.  Kids have a way of finding it for you.  My youngest OS loved being in VBS last week.  His awesome teacher happens to be our neighbor.  She stopped by to share how funny our kid is..  Uh oh.  Yes, that was my first thought!  LOL  After he came out of the bathroom, he asked her "if she had heard that?"  "Heard what?" she asked.  "When I pistol farted.  I farted and it sounded just like a pistol! IT WAS AWESOME!"  Ay yai yai....  So er uh, proud, ya that is the word!  What we love about him is that he is just naturally funny.  he doesn't aim to make you laugh.  In fact he doesn't even care if you do laugh.  he is just funny!  He has kept it up in true form all week long!  :)  It's hard to stay sad with that kid around!

My oldest OS has a heart bigger than Texas.  He really does.  The fact that he is like this at 10 years old just blows me away!  Quite the amazing young man in training.  He had really wanted his buddy to come and hang out with him today (I gotta give it to him.  It isn't easy being the oldest kid during the summer.  Some might even call it "lame!").  However, said buddy got really sunburned while at the lake with us yesterday (A pretty much perfect day in and of itself really!  I have such an amazing group of kiddos!  So fun!) and didn't feel so well today.  He was gonna couch surf and chill out today.  I wondered which direction oldest OS would go with this news...  To my pleasant surprise, not too bummed out and was on a new mission.  After we got our stuff done, he requested we search out a treat for his buddy (yes, I know, he is gonna make a great husband!!!  :)  ).  We had a birthday to celebrate so we headed to our favorite ice cream place.  We all finished up and went in and started making his treat to take to his buddy.  EVERYONE was helping, even the wee tot!  The frozen yogurt cup really couldn't take much more filling up, and the owner, who happened to be in the shop asked what they were up to.  Oldest OS explained the reason for such gluttony, and when we went to pay for what should have been an $8 treat, he told the oldest "no charge, pay it forward, oh wait, you already are!" and winked at us.  My kid gets it.  He was even going to pay with his own money.  I know that 1 certain young man had a huge grin on his face when his treat showed up at his door!  Oldest OS said, "MAN!  That felt good!!!"  AGREED oldest OS!  Ahh yes...  A kid with a heart!  I love it!

When you have to say goodbye in any situation, let alone one involving a small child, you get a little wake up call.  I heard someone say this week, sometimes God sends/throws pebbles, sometimes He sends/throws boulders, to wake us up.  I felt pebbles and boulders this week.  But I also felt the water taking them on their way.  I slept on the couch with my babies.  I overlooked some petty things.  I held them on my lap and in my arms longer.  These are things that should be happening all of the time.  Things that matter were accentuated this week.  Things I hope to leave as part of my legacy, to my children, were revealed.  Life is short.  You or I do NOT have a time stamped membership to this club called life.  Why aren't we all savoring all of the moments that make life worth living???  If I have learned anything from my friend, it is to suck the last drop of juice out of every situation!!  DRINK IT UP PEOPLE!  Drink it up!

Sweet Baby Kalea...  See you again sweet girl!

All my love and prayers to your all who loved and adored you!

Fears I've Faced with the Help of My OS!

I have a bunch of random fears.  Normal fears, ridiculous fears, common and uncommon fears!  I have fears ranging from fear of heights, all the way to deeper fears, like possible abandonment.  Ever since I became a mother, I have been forced to face a literal spread of fears!  From the time I found out I was pregnant, I learned the importance of facing fears.  The birth process alone is enough to make you realize you don't have much of a choice when it comes to facing fears!  Can I get an "AMEN!" mommas?  ;)
One of the biggest fears my kiddos challenge me on, without even knowing, is my fear of heights.  I have not wanted to pass that on to my kids, so I have faked it like nobodies business when they are in the equation!  It always drives me a little bonkers when kids have fears, but no reason to have them other than absorbing them from the big people around them.  So that brings me to why I am afraid of heights.  As a kid, I ended up stuck on the top wheel of a triple ferris wheel when it broke down.. Er uh...  :(  Also, I have fallen off of the ski lift.  Not once, but twice.  No need to go into details, :)  but just let me tell you I love to ski and snowboard, and it is a shame you need to ride that thing to the top, because I pretty much refuse to go on it!  I am pathetic!  PERIOD!  LOL 
A few years ago, we took the kids to The North Pole.  I have never been much of a thrill seeker, ever.  I remember when I realized that in order for all of the kids to go on the gondola, we would ALL have to ride it...  I looked at Cory and he gave me a little hug and whispered in my ear "you'll be ok, you can do it."  I was white knuckled the whole time as my boys were thrilled and giggling and turning around to wave to their daddy (only adding to my stress levels!  LOL).  They loved it, I loved that they loved it, and I survived it!  I am pretty sure if I didn't ever have kids I would stick to my freaked out ways and avoid that stuff all together!  lol   This isn't the only thing I have ever done to face this fear, but just one of the many things I've done because my babies wanted to!   I have bungee jumped for crying in the milk!  What is wrong with me?  lol
When we were at Disneyland, I knew it was going to be a sardine packed trip of facing more fears!  LUCKY ME!  The worst was Space Mountain!  I remember looking at our boys and how giddy and excited they were running up the ramp to the top of the ride.  Then I looked at Cory and he grabbed my hand and smiled.  What a guy!  lol  Getting on the ride with them was a whole other experience in and of itself!  I was freaking out and if I could have would have gladly took the bail out pass and exited.  ASAP!  Priceless pic below... LOL  Me losing my mind, completely terrified, Cory too, Wyatt and Cody thrilled, and Nathan almost looks bored!  Mission accomplished!  They are not afraid, instead, totally opposite!  That makes me pretty darn torn.  Mostly because I know that entails more rides for me, but thrilled they aren't afraid!

Tonight, there was a pool party for my 2 oldest OS (offspring).  Our community pool has a slide.  I usually escape it minus once or twice each time we head to the pool.  Refer to heights.  It takes me all I can muster from my toenails up to make it up the stairs that 1st time (I usually get better with each run!) and the tricky part is doing it with a smile on my mommy face .  Tonight, the 2 oldest bolted to be with their buddies and there I was with my youngest, with a sparkle in his eye, gazing at the slide!  "Momma, let's go!!!!"  And up we went.  My heart raced that whole trip up (like usual!).  But then, after we went down and he grabbed my hand, with the biggest grin, and asked to go again, I realized my kids aren't the only ones growing up every day!  I lost count after 10 trips down.  Those little rascals don't even know what amazing little teachers and encouragers they are.  I am definitely the winner here!!!  So glad that God knows just what I need to stretch me out a bit!

Maybe one day, I won't think twice.  I'll just jump and go and not even hang on the thread of that particular fear again...  Some fears are healthy, some hold us back!  I for one, am so glad that I have such a strong team urging me on to be free from the ones that have held me back!!!  Fear is not from God, at least the unhealthy crippling fears.  :)  I'd like to think common sense overlaps with some fears!  ;)  Every day I try to cling to that truth!  Heights are just one that are easy to recognize...  Fear of loss, abandonment, or not being loved are all fears we all face at some point, and harder to see.  We are not supposed to live in fear and thankfully, because of Him, most days I live fear free!!!  He gives us an army to help us face these things every day.  I'm blessed to have the 3 cutest army members under my own roof!!!

Are you a gift waiting to be given???

BLOG WITHDRAWALS!!!  :)

As my life is clipping along at mach-10, I keep thinking of all these random things I want to write about!  Life has been a serious marathon lately and I can't exactly tell you how, only that I can totally feel it to my bones!  The sheer exhaustion that plagues my body by this time every day is proof that I am completely out of balance lately!  Oh well, such is life, right?  I mean, c'mon fellow mommas in the trenches (or just fellow busy peeps!), tell me I am not alone...  ???  :)
Something caught me by surprise yesterday and I knew I had to take the time to jot it down today, or else misplace the feelings I had all afternoon and into last night!  While at swimming lessons, I had the pleasure of chatting with a pregger momma.  She wasn't just your average momma.  She was adorable!  In great shape, and if I had to guess I would've said, maybe (like MAYBE!!!) 6 -7 months along!  She was keeping a watch on her 2 kiddos in the water and I would pass her as I was making my rounds, keeping my own eyes on the 7 I had in the water (my 3 OS, and 4 borrowed babes!).  I couldn't stand it.  I'm a sucker for all things baby!  So as we were both watching our kiddos in Level 2, I couldn't help but smile and talk about her adorable baby bump.  She rubbed it and said, "only 5 weeks to go!"  Picture my head snapping, because people!- I didn't look like at 5 months let alone 9 months!  I smiled and we chatted more...  She said she hoped she stayed in there for 5 more weeks because her (as in the baby, as she rubbed her belly, where this tiny baby girl was growing) "mommy and daddy wouldn't be in town for another 4 weeks."  Ya with me here?  I was asking all kinds of questions in my head....  You know you are too!  :)
Turns out this incredible mom is a surrogate mommy.  I AM SO GIDDY WITH DELIGHT AND GLEE OVER THE SELFLESSNESS OF THAT GIFT I CANNOT EVEN CONVEY THAT, EVEN WITH MY CAPS!!!!  I myself have considered doing that for a few different people in my life, and honestly I just don't know if I was made with the correct wiring for such a service!  You really have to know yourself well enough to know you can carry this baby, feeling the miracle of the growth process, take care of this priceless package, deliver this sweet baby, let it be part of your family for almost a year and then hand it over to another mommy.  No dollar amount can ever compensate for that emotional process (we didn't talk one second about that fyi...). 
I was in awe of this mommy who has obviously taken great joy in being able to give this gift to a set of parents that have longed for a baby of their own.  She herself knows the immense joy that comes from being a parent.  Enough to want to sacrifice her own body and all that goes with maintaining a healthy pregnancy!  She even plans on pumping for this family for the 1st month and then continuing on with the milk bank for the NICUs until she is done.  WOW!!!!  Having donated to the milk bank myself, there is no compensation for that whatsoever.  That is 100% a love donation.  I was walking on air talking to this amazing woman, smiling from ear to ear!  I honestly said I didn't know if I was capable of such a gift, she replied "but I bet you give selflessly in your own ways!  It is what makes our world a better place for our own children!"  AMEN SISTER!!!!  DING DING DING!!!  She nailed it!  My mind swirled all afternoon thinking about her...
I went to bed thinking about how much I love to give.  Thinking about how others are motivated to give.  Selfishly, I love the feeling in the depth of my soul when I know that I have made a mark, and worked for Jesus.  No matter what it is.  Anything as simple as keeping some one's kiddos for a date night, a note in the mail, or something huge!  I have always felt that the more you did in secret the bigger the reward for yourself and in your treasure box in heaven.  In fact, if I am being honest, I hate to be recognized when I get busted for something I tried to do on the sly, because it is much more impactful in my own heart to know that something was appreciated.  I feel like if you have to tell someone what you have done, you have only robbed yourself!  :)  To see a smile and true thankfulness, that is worth a pile of thank you notes with no addressee on them...  Maybe you don't even have to see it, just knowing that there will be a smile is enough.

To the world, what this mommy is doing could have many different reactions.  To the couple getting ready to meet their beautiful baby girl in 5 more weeks, this mommy is the world to them!  What would our world be like, if we downsized our recipients and just focused on making 1, 2 or a few people feel loved on?  I'm thinking that hearts could be transformed on a regular basis!!!  So, ya, get out there and bless someone in secret!  Go do something that makes a love mark on somebody's heart!

So much to say, so little webspace!

My heart has been pulled in about 48 different ways in the last few weeks...  Between sick kiddos, tax season, friends in the straights (and valleys and fires), my family's busy schedules, and well... just life...  I have had a hard time finding a balance for myself.  I have mostly been on the teetering side of unhealthy-out-of-whackness (yes, a word! LOL)!  Only now, just in time to start getting ready for a big family vacation (more to come on that one!), am I feeling a little more myself, walking a straighter line.

I am so blessed that I have a center.  A place to come back to, especially when life is chaotic!  God is my grounding wire!  I have a husband who is not afraid to tell me I have stretched myself too thin, or tied myself is crazy knots!  I have kids who aren't afraid to tell me when they have needs that need to be met!  **I have amazing boys by the way.  They communicate in amazing ways.  They express love like no other!  They love me in abundance and forgive me endlessly...  Talk about radiating God's love!...  I just had to share that sidenote!**  I try to keep myself sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudgings, and have learned when I don't move, I usually get moved...  Sometimes brutally!  lol 

Something I have never taken seriously since I started on my walk and since I was given a 2nd shot at life, through Him, was the Sabbath.  In fact, I used to think it was such a foreign thought!  I mean, HELLO!!!!  I have things to do on the weekend!  I can't take a WHOLE DAY OFF!!!  I had heard of people doing it and I really didn't think much about it.  I have been on near total burnout for a while and low and behold, the whole Sabbath thing has been all over my world!  I finally gave in to this extremely foreign, difficult to apply and submit to, way of thinking!  I am on week 4 of honoring a day of rest every week.  Wouldn't you know it that the 1st weekend I submitted, and cleared our schedule, that was the night the kids got super sick and I was on my toes for 5 days straight!  I was so thankful God had me rest beforehand and I was prepared to take care of my children, and get this, I didn't even get sick myself!  Normally, I would've been so run down already that I would have nose dived, right behind my children and been sicker than any of them!

I have been taught how to apply healthy boundaries to almost all aspects of my life.. Some are harder to apply than others.  I have been able to untwist myself out of the ball that I got myself into.  I have gotten myself back to my priorities.  It's hard because, not only do I love God, love my husband, love my family and love my job, I just love people in general!  I love to be there for my friends, because they are my family too!  And because I have been blessed to acquire so many deep, real and fulfilling relationships, I want to make sure I invest in them and keep them growing!  Sometimes it is hard to figure it all out and make sure I am on target with were I should be and not just where I think I need to be.  I'm trying!  ;) 

When I am where I am supposed to be, the peace in my heart is unreal!  The peace in my home, is amazing!  Even in the trials and fire, when it is right, I'm alright....  Things aren't any easier than before, but I have had enough rest and enough time with my Daddy, to keep myself going and thankful for another chance every morning I wake up!  Life is good...  Maybe, dare I say, GREAT????  I think yes!

Balanced.. for now, until the next weight drops and I do this all over again... And inevitably fall off the shelf and give myself a new chip or ding...
K

Sick and cracked!

Well, aside from the honesty in that comment, lol, it basically defines the literal side of my home right now...  I have 2 sick OS (offspring), and am battling the bugs so hard, that my hands are totally cracking from the sterilizing and hand washing!  I have this thing about germy bugs.  I hate them!  Possibly more than the average momma!  Not in an OCD fashion, but I just loathe being sick, when my family is sick, or when any of my kiddos are sickly. 

Spending as much time together as we do, I try as hard as I can to keep the bugs to a minimum.  I teach the kids to wash their hands before they eat, after they eat, when they come home from school, you get the idea.  Even the babies can sing the ABC hand washing tune!  As much as I hate bleach and the toxicity of it, I give in when it comes to sick bugs!  My hands are hating it and are letting me know as much!!  But alas, there are obviously some bugs that I couldn't get my hands on...  Dumb BUGS!!!!

I have the boys (it went from 1-2 last night!  BOO!!) quarantined with strict STAY BACK orders!  I am hoping the victim list doesn't grow, but let's get real.  We have taught our boys to be kind and affectionate and above all, share with kind hearts.  They seem to perfect those skills when the bugs are lurking!  lol  Of course, right?  I had this awful realization after a long night with #1 (Where I got smacked in the face with the harsh past reality of that once sleep deprived mother of my newborns!  Up every hour not knowing how you are functioning, but yet, doing it.  lol Only now, the sweet OS was older and actually apologized the next day for keeping me up all night!  Sweet lil' man!) and remembered the day before, while walking home from our sweet day at the park, watching the 3 boys giggling, passing the gatorade back and forth...  SHARING IT!!!!  The mega symptoms started that evening at dinner...  YUP, the damage had already been done.  DOUBLE DRAT!!  GATORADE!!!  That's it, new rule!  No more sharing.. Well, for the week!  lol

I don't get too freaked out about the kids being together after they get sick.  My theory is, long before the 1st symptom, they have already shared those lil' sleep ruining, booger inducing, sad little sick face-making germs!  I try to keep them apart from each other when I know things are lurking or when I have reason to believe they are an attack waiting to happen.  Otherwise, not much you can do once they've all slobbered on the same gatorade bottle, or rattle, or sippy cup! 

So now I sit and wait for the next attack on the horizon.  I have a good army in waiting and am not afraid to engage them!  I aint afraid of no germs!  GERMBUSTERS!!!  :)

*** This was written on 2-22-11.. Not sure why I didn't post it..  It seems pretty complete now that I just read through it...  I'll chalk it up to lack of sleep and improperly functioning brain cells!  ;)***

Lovin' love!

Today (which is now yesterday) my heart has been flooded!  When I say flooded, I mean, the dam burst and you can hardly catch your breath, kind of flooded!  ;)  On so many levels I can't even begin to capture it and share it all!  We are all surrounded in a see of red and pink right now!  If I finish this before I fade out, because really I have no business sitting here doing this when I know I need to get up and make muffins for my birthday boy to take to school.. EEK!  But my brain is still racing and the messages going back and forth between it and my heart are just overwhelming me!  Ever have that?  If you are a woman, I'm going to guess yes, if you are a man, I'll leave the answering up to you!  lol
My weekend has been filled with many "I love you mommy's" and hugs and kisses from sweet OS #2 who turned 7 today!  His love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch!  He was speaking loudly and letting us speak to him!  Was awesome!  I am smiling as I am sitting here (on my 2 feet strip on the left side of our king sized bed, that even when hubby is gone, I don't stray from, ever, I don't know why.. it's weird and even the boys make fun of me for it! lol) just thinking of him and his joy.  That boy, he knows what love is and how to show it!  NO DOUBT!  Without sounding a bit boastful, can I say that wherever his future wife is tonight, God is preparing her to be loved by one of the most affectionate man ever???!!!

Today, I have thought alot about what love is and what it isn't...  It isn't a feeling!  It IS an ACTION!  I can see all the love quotes that have been in my line of vision for the past week or so...  Love is patient, Love is kind, from 1 Corinthians 13:4.  Love is not affirmed by overpriced flowers and candy!  Love is not stressing out about a holiday that makes you feel like you have to do something, that you should be doing 365 days a yr!  Love is rubbing someone's back, big or small, while they throw up.  Love is the look you offer someone, with the smile that goes with it, to let them know you love them, and it will all be ok!  Love is what we are given with no strings attached from the most loving being of all time, God Himself!

Love is what I want spewing my entire being.  Even when the ugly parts seep out sometimes, I want to quickly catch that and repair any damage with love.  Love is not having to be acknowledged as being right, even when you are!  ;) (This could cover a multitude of my chinks!!! lol)  Love is ignoring flaws, even when they have the flashing light above them!  Love is that piece of me that feels absolutely accepted and wonderful just knowing I am loved by the King.  Knowing I can have every expectation in Him and never be disappointed with Him!  Love is accepting His love in return and sharing that with others!  ESPECIALLY those that live in my home, starting with STG, then all 3 OS, then everyone who comes in and out my door and in contact with me throughout my dailies!  Love is being kind when everything around screams something else!  Love is what I have with all of the men in my life, starting with God, then STG and then my OS, overwhelm me with and cause those leaky moments!!!  I am one blessed chick... and obviously, I am His favorite...  Just get used to it!  ;)  lol!!!

I don't need a holiday to remind me of all of the love in my life, but it sure does put everything into perspective.  It makes me stop and peek around the flowers, balloons (which after 11 years, STG finally believes me that there is no mixed message when I say I don't want those things on V-day or Mommy's Day, don't get me wrong, I love  me some flowers, I just much prefer a surprise!!!) and think about how blessed I have been to have all of the love I have in my life.  My relationships are rich and true and deep....  All 365 days of the year!!!  I just want to love the way He loves me and spread that out wherever He leads me!  My heart breaks for those who are hungering for love deep in their bones!  There is no greater feeling than being loved for just exactly who you are, and nothing more...  A quenching that can only be satisfied from the pure source Himself...

In love!!!!
K

Controversial Mommy...

I saw the most hysterical computer animated video the other day...  "Why I can't make mom friends.."  Funny to me in so many ways!  Seriously, out of all the mommas I know, I don't parent exactly like a single 1 of them.  I have much in common with many.  I have many differences with many more.  But, the only thing that matters to me, is that we are all doing what is best for our families.  Whatever that looks like!  PERIOD!  Short of abuse and neglect, it really isn't my place to tell anyone they are doing it wrong, based on my own theories, opinions and experiences.

In my line of work, it can be hard for me to find the balance of sharing ideas and theories of my own and full on forcing my ideas and theories.  Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I frequently, with gusto, seek out wisdom from friends who I value their wisdom and skills!  Knowing that it is hard for me, I try my hardest to always remember that this is the hardest job for all I love too!  No matter where you are at in your parenting, it is tough!  ;)   I try to have respect for everyone, again, as long as they aren't abusing or neglecting their children.  Even in those situations, my heart has the ability to look deeper and wonder what the whole situation looks like.

My own parenting is not perfect and is always changing.  Sweet tall guy (STG from here on out, ;)  ) and I are always having to look at things and tweak our ideas.  For each sweet offspring (OS 1, 2 or 3 from here on out) ...  Since they are all different, we can't use cookie cutter parenting.  They all speak a different love language.  They all have their own personalities in which  they embrace each day differently.  I know that you all have kids that may have similarities to mine, but none just like our sweet OS...  For me to think our ways are the best for anyone us but us is just silly!  When we have conversations (myself and the proverbial any other parent! lol), I can only offer what has worked for me, what I have tried on my own kids and any of the other 100's I have worked with.  If you can use and tweak only one of my ideas wonderful!  If you don't find any worth in what I offer, fine.  Same goes for me.  When I seek advice (and even when I don't, but get it anyhow, lol) and I can use 1 lil tidbit or know it isn't for me, great!  It is important to respect each other as parents because we both have the same goal, to raise amazing adults!  Or ok, at least that's how I feel.. ;)  lol

I try not to get into debates about some of the things I deeply believe in, because I am not going to change my mind and the other person probably won't either.  I parent largely based on my childhood and things that I want my OS to have instilled and things I want to avoid...  I have gained most of my philosophies and practices since I became a parent.  (Don't you just love when someone who either doesn't have kids or one that you don't value their skills, offers their advice up??  Always a personal fave of mine! hehe)  STG and I are doing our best to keep our children out of adult therapy sessions, but we have a therapy fund started just in case!  ;)  LOL  (More wise advice from a dear friend, who happens to be an AWESOME MOTHER!!!) 

If you are doing your best, I don't care if you bottle feed your baby, never potty train them, sleep with them till they go to college, spank them, sit them in the corner, or hug and talk, do all of their chores for them, let them bring a paci and a blankey to kindergarten, whatever...  Unless of course, I am taking care of them, (which if they are doing a few of those, we probably wouldn't be a good fit for each other!  LOL! but I respect you nonetheless for keeping them alive!), the only thing that matters is that it works for you.  The ultimate goal is to get them from birth to out on their own and able to handle it along the way!  If you can smile and they smile back at you at the end of the day, I'd call whatever you are doing a success.  EVEN IF, we don't agree!  ;)

One of my jagged edges is really finding the balance of biting my tongue or sharing lil tidbits...  I also know, thanks to God alone, when the conversation must stop to avoid long-term damage to a relationship, which can happen so fast with 1 sentence spoken or typed...  Parenting issues is a constant classroom for those things.  I want to share with people, but I know I am not the be all, end all of the how to do it rights, mom.  I am passionate about children, especially my own, but I probably love your kid (or if I met them!) too!  I have good intentions.  I hope you know my heart when we talk about what to do the next time a situation arises...  ;)  Because if I know my kids.. a situation is right around the corner!  ;)

Broken, glued, and lovin' life!
K



Remember when Snow Days were fun??

***  Note to self...  Auto save on blogger is bunch of yahoo nonsense!  Before hitting send or any other button, COPY all work.  So far my most favorite blogs have been zapped.. If it happens again, will be in the "shopping for another blog mode!"   That being said.. attempt #2 at my snow day madness!  ;)

The above prayer, I'm sure, can be heard after we say our prayers together and I close their doors at night.  I remember those days.  I remember hoping and praying and asking my mom to call the school.  Okay, I remember begging her to call the school and see if we had school!  Snow days were awesome!  I remember...  I really do!  Then something changed....  I had kids...  I started a business with more kids, in our home.  Somewhere in the midst of those changes, snow days lost their appeal.  Well maybe not snow days exactly, but freezing cold days have DEFINITELY LOST THEIR APPEAL!  ;)  lol  The one good thing about rewriting this blog entry, is that today, the bigs were back at school and I have a whole new perspective on this topic!  lol

God must have thought my kids had done their fair share of praying and rewarded them with not 1 but 2 glorious days at home with the crew!  ;)  I think He went a lil' far by turning the heat off and not just down, but who am I to question Him?  lol  Ok, so I do that alot!  ;)  The thing about below 0, is that you can't go outside.  If an adult can't handle it, a kid has no business trying!  And well, the state licensing dept agrees...  Anything below 15 degrees, dig deep into the brain bank and hope you find your best energy burning ideas in there, because you "aren't allowed" to go outside!  I was digging alrighty, but the kids had dug into their own banks and had their own ideas.  There were points I felt more like the student than the teacher for the past few days!  lol  Never a dull moment...  Just 1 of many things to be thankful for!

We played games.  We cooked, baked and ate!  We danced.  We had stair races.  We froze bubbles outside (which last 4 almost 5 minutes!  LOL!).  We played the wii (If you would have told me 2 yrs ago we'd be playing video games on a snow freezing cold day (accuracy is everything!) I'd have laughed in your face!)...  We watched movies..  In fact we watched more tv and played more video games than we normally do in 3 or 4 months!  It was radonkalous!  By naptime, I was ready to pass out and they were still going strong!

Colorado kids need their outside time!  It's crucial to their development!  Ok, so that may be taking a little bit far, but really!  Our kids are used to getting outside!  The fresh air, and running around, it's what brings on the naps!!!  I live for naptime!  I know alot of people wonder how I get that many kids to sleep at the same time every day....  it's a fine art, I classify in my "survival method" handbook!  ;)  I need naptime as bad as they do.  They rest up for the remainder of the day, I get to catch up on mine.  Sometimes I clean or do laundry.  Occasionally I get to have a friend over for a late lunch and coffee.  On the RARE occasion I put my feet up and read, and sometimes I just turn everything but the lullabies and monitor off, and just defrag from our day.  It's a crazy thing.  But it;s imperative for a good day to be called good, to have a good naptime!  My own chitlins (word?  tonight it is!) know that messing with naptime is worse than getting in my purse!  I get a little hypervigilent about stomping on the living room floor (right above the mats), being loud and flushing the toilets!  Naptime hangs in the balance when the Bigs are home, and so do they!  ;)  Add to that the fact the bigs are trying to contain huge amounts of energy that they cannot seem to rid themselves of and you can see why naptime, when they are home makes me want to eat an entire bag of cadbury eggs!  ;)  lol

There is always some sweet sweet times during these impromptu snow days freezing days...  We laughed hard during Twister where the littles wanted to be like the bigs and when they couldn't, they'd just push the bigs over!  You see the littles love the bigs and they are thrilled when they are home with them all day.  It always impresses me how the bigs love and adore the littles and want to be with them too!  I love that we really are a big unusual family unit!  :)  The Bigs were super helpful and even offered for me to take a nap, "they'd watch things.." lol  I wish I could have taken them up on it!  Sleeping in until 7 didn't hurt my feelings...  Eating yummy treats and great food with my favorite people under 10 was fun and I have the extra 5 pounds to prove it!  I'm not the only one who gets the crazy baking and cooking bug when the temps drop, am I???  And I got killed a record # of times at Candy Land, which was really starting to get under my skin!  I wasn't even trying to let them win!  Man!  ;)

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for the day I started boo hooing yet another frozen day...  And then God softened my heart to the mommies and daddies who had no where warm and safe to be with their babies.  They would be thrilled to have a warm place to let their kids mess it up, to be able to play with them and love on them and eat warm treats with them...  It hit me pretty hard...  I pulled my big girl pants up...  Went down the hall, turned the thermostat up, and thanked God for such a profound blessing...  And had a pretty funny and great day with all 8, yes 8, kids.   ;)

Last night, the kids waited and waited for the call to come in about another frozen day...  No such luck guys...  They begged me to check the district FB page (my how times change...  my mom had to call the school and wait for someone to answer, my kids asked for a FB update!  LOL!).  I happily tucked them into bed at 8:30 to ready them for school today!  I couldn't wait to get up today, pack our snack bag, go out and start the big red van and head over to open gym with the kiddos!  It was going to be great!  Cabin fever no more! 

Bigs off to school?  Check!  Snack bag packed?  Check!  Start the van?  YA BUDDY (Good girl Red!)!  Check!  Potty, shoes and coats?  Cheee...?  Where's my #3?  "Mommy, I don't feel so good...  BLECKKKKK *and other hurling noises*..."  Shoes off, turn Mr Marty on the tv.. clean up throw up...  Realize that all hopes and dreams of escaping the walls of this cabin have been dashed...  #3 and I both shed a few tears...  the borrowed kiddos were easily distracted with the long time favorite, playdough...  I even broke out the WHOLE box of accessories...  Which was awesome, because they played like sweet ladies for over 2 hours...  #3 is feeling much better, but I am overcome with cabin fever and it aint' pretty!  I learned something pretty sweet about #3 today.  He doesn't know how to live without his girls.  He missed them terribly for the hours he was quarantined and begged me with big tears after naptime, "since he didn't puke, if he could come out of his room.."  I let him.. What the heck...  He's been cooped up in the same air for 3 days already with them anyhow... 

Scrapbook lady who made this, were you spying on me or what?  That's me on the right, kids on the left...  Tomorrow is a new day...  One that promises above 0 temps once more...  I hope to make it out of the house with my kiddos, if only for an hour!  But 3 would be best! 
I'm sure I heard the boys pray again tonight for "another great snow day!"  I refrained from opening the door back up and interrupting any prayers they were saying...  It was hard, but the urge was soothed by a handful of cadbury eggs...  Immersed in hot chocolate...  ;0)  A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do! 

Hoping you are all sustaining your weather with a smile like no other!!!
Fried and frazzed!
K

Miracles are the light at the end of the tunnel...

I didn't come to know God because of any miracles.  In fact quite the opposite actually.  When I was on my knees that 1st time, I wasn't praising Him by far.  I was angry, hurt, and at my the bottom of my pit (possibly the ledge, because I still see where it could have gotten worse).  People kept saying to me what a Good God  He was and all I could see was a bunch of pain.  GOOD?  'If this is good, I'd hate to see bad,'  I thought to myself.  I stayed in that thinking rut for a little while longer. 

God was creeping in every nook and cranny He could find.. He's good like that!  ;)  He was shaking me up, and exposing me to myself.  I was alone.  I had tried filling this hole in my could that could only be filled by Him.  My God shaped hole did not accept anything in it's place and I finally figured that out.  ;)  I am so thankful for my past because I didn't have some miraculous thing happen that made me see Him, but rather a ship full of pain and emotional volcano that was demanding answers!  The first miracle I was ever able to proclaim after I was saved, was that I was standing there alive!  YAHOO AMEN!  ;)  May not seem like much but after my looking back I was able to see all the times where He sent people in to save me and keep me going.  I can't help but smile at all of the times since my earliest memories I can remember something happening, but not knowing who God was and so not being able early on to give Him the credit!  My life is the epitome of "if things were always good, I would have continued to pat myself on the back, but since things were going terribly wrong, I wanted to blame someone, and the blame was headed His way!"

It took me a while to see all of the miraculous things taking place around me..  I had to get rid of my "stinkin' thinkin" (Thanks Shad W, love that term!)!  I had to see the whole picture not just the room I was in.  Things weren't perfect overnight.  I don't live a fairytale life today either.  With my new (12 years) life in Him, I just get to see things a whole new way!  I am an eternal optimist now and am thankful for my outlook on life. 

He tells us we will encounter hardships and pain again, possibly again and again.  With every hardship and valley I have grown more and am closer to Him.  Pretty sure that is the design.  We are all handed different pages in this crazy life.  One person's perception of pain and suffering cannot be compared to another's.  One person's idea of a miraculous answer cannot be compared to another either.  It seems in every valley we are in there is always a miraculous outcome at the end.  People speak of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.. The feeling of "we can't be stuck in here forever, the end is in sight right?"  At the end of every troubling time, there is reward.  Maybe not right here right now, but at some point.  God will use it all for his good.  So cliche I know, but so intensely true for me! 

It's the little everyday miracles...  Taking a breath without thinking about it.  All of us waking up to get to experience another day together.  Being able to pay my bills.  The sun coming up each day.  Staying married for 10+ years..  Ok that falls under BIG MIRACLE.. ;)  Then you have the life changing miracles.  Growing a baby inside of you, or someone you love.  Staying married for 10+ years (when you almost divorced at 2 years, I say yes, MAJOR MIRACLE!!!).  Being able to forgive someone.  Being forgiven by someone.  Seeing someone "defy all the earthly odds" and watch God tell everyone "not yet, he's yours for a while (in His eyes, anywhere from another hour to 110 more years!) longer!  All that to say that when the answer is something else that His hand is still in it and then the miracle is of the grace He gives us to accept it and go on.  And for me, the full on miracle of the faith that I never knew I was capable of, to believe in said things and the possibilities of so many more. 

I got to see miracles because I knew God...  And still do...  I just wasn't able to see them before..  Everyday.  All around us.  Am so thankful that I get to witness these things and praise Him all of the time!

After learning that a sweet boy I have come to know and love, had been pronounced in remission yesterday, I could not help but stop in awe of God and take a little inventory or the miracles in my own life that I personally have witnessed!  You should know that 2 short months ago, "doom and gloom" rained out the mouths of the Dr's calling for hospice and end of life care for this lil guy.  Proof that you should never give up nor underestimate what God is capable of!  YOU DON'T KNOW!  :) 

Rejoicing today!
K

Video idea borrowed from another sweet blog.. One of my favorite songs and oh so fitting!  http://www.prayfornoah.com/ 

Omniscient Mother...

I want to possess this most AWESOME trait!  Ok, so maybe God knows that it would exhaust us by the end of the first hour and although He is 'probably correct' it doesn't stop me from wanting to attempt it.  I mean seriously, to be able to give your kids all the attention they need at every moment they need it?  YES, uh huh, AWESOME!!!  ;)  Of course, I need to have it my way and I don't want to be everywhere for everybody, but...  ;)

I remember the first time I felt this way.  I felt like I was doing a pretty decent job meeting #1's needs.  I was a decent mom with normal flaws.  My whole perception of that changed the morning we had #2.  I basically had a full on panic attack at 4am.  I snuck in and scooped up #1 (yes, at 4am) and rocked him and wept.  I promised him mommy would still love him the same and that I would do my best to still be a good mommy and make time for him.  I sobbed...  His lil' head was soaked with my tears, and he was mostly sleeping through mommy's lil' meltdown.  I sang "our lullaby" to him.. Even adjusted the verse about one kid, to 2 kids and cried even harder... (I was also terrified I might die, whole other story..lol)..  Cory was positive I had been abducted by the hormone aliens (for the 579th time!).  I tucked Wywy back into bed, and went to our room and hit my knees and sobbed some more.. I begged God to help me not blow it!  A few short hours later, as I was nursing #2, #1 came and laid in bed with us.  He rubbed my face and his baby brother's head and smiled...  I felt this peace come over me right before my heart almost exploded out of my chest, in a good way.. lol  I thanked God for His faithfulness and told Him I knew I was still gonna need help.. ;) 

I am blessed by amazing children who, honest to goodness, were never jealous of each other (Answer to prayer? I think so!).  Well, ok, lol, #1 was worried I might have had chocolate milk this time and could he please try it (the answer was no and no.. lol).  #2 asked if I had orange juice and could he taste it (the answer was no and no..lol)?  But they were always thrilled with the new addition and that made it easier on me and harder all at once.  Some very wise mommies told me how important one on one time was when we had #2.  Thank you God for them!  They were so right!  Since the boys have always loved each other so much and have not put up a fight about that, it was even more clear that I needed to set aside special alone time for each of them.  For both, mommy/son and daddy/son time. The boys love being together with each of us, but they radiate when they have us to themselves!  With 3, it is a huge priority of ours to get that special time with each of them and helps us to keep learning about each of their individual uniquenesses (a word?  YES IT IS!  lol)!

Today was "morning with mom" at #1's school.  I got up, did my hair, my makeup, put on a nice sweater and pretty necklace.  Wy was thrilled!  Wasn't even too bummed when I accidentally forgot to use the perfume he gave me.  Happy nonetheless!  Dropped his 2 littles off with one of my awesome families (Thanks Cary!) and off we went!  The thing about about that mornings with mom stuff.. A lot of chatty moms..  Wonderful chatty moms!  Wy had asked me to get him some juice.. You betchya buddy!  I got stopped by 3 wonderful mommas along the way...  I knew I crushed the morning when he walked passed me and got his own juice and went and sat back down by himself at a table full of girls (all his buddies had went outside and only the coodies remained... :(  ).  My heart sunk and I broke away immediately, but it was too late.  He put on his coat and thanked me for coming in, gave me a hug and went off to class.  I blew it ya'll!  BLEW IT!  I got distracted, and tainted the only date we had had in quite a while...  And he was sucking it up and on his way...

I am blessed by amazing friends, who are always a phone call away!  One of these special ladies said "yes and she was bringing dessert!" to my request of her coming to cover my kiddos while I snuck off to bring lunch lunch to #1.  They aren't just good, they are AWESOME!  ;)  I was off at a dead run!  I came flying into the school and caught him at the lunch cashier...  I was sucking wind with Chinese in hand...  his reply? "Mommy I'm sorry I got lunch, I didn't know you were coming!"  lol  Best $2 I ever threw in the trash! PS.. I forgot how gross school lunch could be...  We chatted, toasted our yummy food and cookies from Sharon...  And smiled lots!  He made my day!  Called awesome friend to check on kids to see if I had time to surprise #2 for a few minutes at his school "No problem, they are playing with their "farts" (homemade Gak)"..LOL!  SAWEET!  (#2 doesn't know it, but another sweet friend will be covering Monday so I can have lunch with his cute lil booty! :)  )  #2 was even in the hall when I came in.. HUGE grin met by even bigger hug!  Bliss for both of us!  His angel of a teacher (whom #1 had as well!) indulged our brief time and had him tell me about the special things from their day!  A sweet treat for both of us!  Ahhh.. all was well in my heart again...

So honored that God felt I deserved a mulligan today!  I learned a valuable lesson about mornings with  mom today (and after 5 yrs, you'd think this was a no brainer, but...lol.)...  Pick a seat on the floor, against the wall, in the back of the room!  Out of sight of any chatty distractions, where I can focus on my wonderful boys only!  I have learned this lesson in other areas as well.  I've even given the kids permission to call me out being on the computer outside of my designated times, that makes them feel like I am distracted.  I've gotten comfortable with letting the phone go to voicemail during storytimes, mealtimes or anytimes where we are all engaged...  I'm sure God will continue to show me where I need to work on things...

Tonight, I will tickle #3's face until he falls asleep, one of our most favorite Nathan Mommy things to do...  I will continue trying to balance things out since I can't be everywhere at once and meeting their every need is just a fleeting thought that I have accepted as unrealistic!  ;)  lol  Omniscience...  I'd still like some!  ;)  lol  I can still remember that terrifying feeling the morning #2 came into our lives, but am so glad we were designed to love all of our babies and that they can all be our favorites!  I was a little better when #3 came, and today I think I have a decent handle on it.

When Cory and I got married, his Grandma Moody gave me a huge hug and told me I was her new "favorite granddaughter-in-law named Kelly.  I had known Cory was her favorite grandson named Cory, as all of the kids were.. ;)  lol  I have carried that on with our boys and Wyatt is my favorite son named Wyatt,Cody is my favorite son named Cody and Nathan is my favorite son named Nathan...  If you haven't read this book to your kiddos, you need to.. I cried the 1st time, but now we laugh...  We also laugh when we get the crazy crusty look from strangers who hear me tell whichever kid I am talking to that they are my favorite.  Those 3 boys are all my favorites!  They are all so different and so unique and I'm blessed that God hand picked them for us!  :)

What is your favorite thing to do with your alone times with your kiddos?  I love new ideas....  ;)

PS...  This is my 2nd attempt at this...  My first blog today was one of my best yet and I couldn't wait to share.. I hope I remembered most of what was in the "1st draft"...  Another lesson learned...  "Auto save".. DO NOT RELY ON IT!  Blogging lesson by fire...  #1...  Sad one for me!!!  :(

Happy weekend all!

What bliss looks like...

My boys having almost as much fun as I was, watching them giggle and be totally full of glee! :)

Pieces of me...

Disclaimer... I frequently like to "borrow" images from the web hole... I openly admit that images such as this one are not my work. But thanks goes out to all the strangers across the world who have taken their time to upload images for me to borrow, that help me tell a story! You should know once it hits the web hole, it's free game.. Free- Did I mention how I love thee? ;) lol

This weekend I was able to brush off a piece of me that has been hidden for many years. Hidden by the many coats of improvements over the years... The layer of becoming a wife. The layer of becoming a mom, one, two, and 3 times. The layer of living in town with actual neighbors. The layer of the always present "B Word"... THE BUDGET! This piece is only known to those who knew me prior to all these layers of life that have intertwined my cracks and fractures and made them something new. But this piece was a very prominent part of my life for many years, and the source of some of my most pure friendships...

I am a horse-girl, through and through. There isn't much I don't like about them... In fact the only thing I can come up with is the cost of having them. Which is the only reason we don't have them now. Big or small... There really is nothing like a horse, to fill your heart in so many ways. The horses in my life since I was small, all held a special place in my heart... I owned my last horse in college. I stopped riding very much around the time I met Cory. I have probably only ridden 10 times since then... I can't believe that, but it is true. I can't watch anything horse related without leaking at the eyes. Add in the national anthem and I could sob, ok, have sobbed! I love the smell of it all... The sweat, their breath, grain, hay, absorbine, anything leather and saddle smelling! :)

I used to show horses and unless you have done that I cannot explain that way of life. Those who do sports with your kids you may kind of get it but not really! It is a culture. From setting up your stalls and tack stall, to the shower racks, to getting ready for your classes, and eating your lunch on a flipped over feed bucket (or manure bucket if need be.. ). Growing up with the same people in your classes year after year. The feeling of blowing a class or rocking one! Water fights after the show in the summertime... You get the idea... A pretty great experience and one I am thankful that my mom had me be part of.

I got to take my boys and hang out with a friend from high school this weekend with her team of draft horses (not what I did) at a draft show... Yes, I wanted to get leaky at the eyes frequently... I was feeling this piece of me being dusted off and having an absolute ball. I was watching my kids soak it up to! More leaking (I'll blame it on the cracks! lol)... My kids have been around horses on and off all their lives and they come by the horse bug naturally! It was great... It was fulfilling in such an unexpected way. I had forgotten how much fun that is. To get ready for a class, watch those you love head into the ring and do their thing and watch intently, hoping it all went well! Being happy for them no matter what, because you know the work it takes to get there! Brushing the horses after a class, seeing them look at you for approval. The whole thing, there is really nothing like it in my current world. I wouldn't trade my reality for that, but wouldn't mind combining the 2 again someday. :)

I was praying last night and just laying there thinking of how incredible my weekend had been. Thanking God for making it all possible and blessing my socks off all weekend long. Not only had I had this experience, but I was able to go wish a sweet friend good luck on their move, and celebrate 2 of my nieces birthdays! My current life is rich with my boys, amazing friendships and family, a great job, and abounding blessings. It was just that I realized my past had a lot of that too. In fact it made me think of other pieces of me I haven't seen lately. Like the backpacker who would take off with just her dog and a pack and go! The road-tripper who would just jump in a car with her friends pick a spot of the map, and go! I also remembered some pieces I am glad I haven't seen in years and they can stay hidden forever and I'll be fine with that! lol I have been blessed richly and trust I am right where I am supposed to be. God knows my heart and if He thinks I should combine both worlds someday then it will happen. Until then, I will take my friends and family up on their offers and get my quick fixes along the way... Speaking of, in March, all 3 of my boys will have officially gotten to ride my gelding I grew up loving, braiding and showing. That is pretty awesome!

Along with the old pieces, I have picked up some new ones along the way. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. Or at least I hope so because it sure does feel right! :)

A new piece of me is one that makes herself do things that are good for her, like going to bed before 11, so off I go...

Too many pieces to count, but who cares?

K.. :)

Thank you Flinstone Gravel Family for letting us invade your space, not once but twice! The kids are crazy over Barney and Fred! :)

smelly memories...

LOL.. No seriously... Do you ever catch a whiff of something and get transported straight back to a certain place and time.... I opened up my gargantuan (yes, a word, my niece K would concur!) canister of Folgers coffee (cheaper than my favorite 1 1/2c bag of the Starbuck's vanilla bean I love, but... $$$) and was snapped back to Pattie St, in Wichita KS... home of my beautiful grandparents. I remember standing in the old metal stool and Grandma teaching me to use the can opener, opening up a new thing of coffee for her and grandpa... To this day I can't open a can, or bag of coffee without a extra ba-bump in my heart!

You see, it wasn't just the learning to open a can of coffee. Being at my grandparents house meant I was safe. Safe to be me. Safe from anger. Safe to rest. I was adored and loved. I felt amazing when I was at their house. Even after my grandpa passed, I had a feeling there I had nowhere else in the world at that time of my life (the better part of the first 14 years). I was encouraged to do things, try things, and enjoy things that did not happen at home. To this day I believe grandparents, or at least stand-ins, are essential to a child's healthy development. My children are blessed by a gaggle of googling grandparents who adore them! My grandparents treated me like I was perfect, and amazing! During a time when my reality at home would say otherwise, impeccable timing I'd say!

I haven't yet figured out what in my past to write about and what not to, so think it will suffice to say for now, that I am doing everything in my power to not repeat much of my childhood with my own children. I had a few things that I utilize, but overall not much. I am a completely different person today than I was at 10, 15, even 18, 19 or 20. Can I get a big AMEN for that??? ;)

I find it amazing how a simple smell can awaken (get it? best part of wakin up, is??? Folgers in your cup... lol Ok, I think I'm funny... looks count..) a whole rush of your past and blast it past your eyes! My Grandma just passed on Halloween and I was blessed to have her for 32 years... Out of everyone in my family, I think I am most like her and find that a pretty great thing!!! I hope one day I can love my grandbabies up like she did and find all of their perfections and be blind to their imperfections... Every now and then I will walk into some one's house and I can smell the same smell I would get walking through her front door. I just want to sit and breathe deep and soak up as much of the memories playing, that I can while my sensories are working overtime!

There are other smells I smell, and they can almost instantly bring me to my knees, in a fetal position, with the amount of pain they awaken from my past... Am I the only one who does this with smells? I remember talking to a counselor about this when I was about 15 or 16 and them telling me that the brain can do that. I remember seeking counsel as a baby Christian at about 21, and learning your could actually ask God to deliver you from memories.... You know what? I have done it and He has indeed delivered me from many memories that have haunted me, but occasionally the smells of things overwhelm my memory bank, and I have to work them out again....

I choose to seek out scents when I am extremely happy and content to make a "smelly mark" on my brain. To overwhelm my memory bank with joy and love and hope!!! Smells like Johnson's baby soap.. I can remember giving each of my babies their 1st baths. The sweet smell of the mountains after a rain... Like in the meadow when Cory proposed to me. Farm Diesel (this sounds bad, I know, don't worry, I'm not a huffer! lol)... I can remember a few happy times with my dad on the old John Deeres, during haying season, add to that a can of Pepsi, what we'd get after we finished bailing, I love when someone opens up a can of Pepsi still... Pert... My boys fresh out of the shower, I smell their hair to make sure they don't smell like wet puppies.. ;) Zest with the smell of shaving cream in the bathroom... I know my hubby is home (which isn't that often). A wood stove burning.... Living with my big brother while we were in college in Gunnison, was all we had for heat, and we'd camp out together in front of it during the winter (one of my favorite times of my life prior to my family.) In fact, I secretly love smelling like a campfire anytime, camping or not, because it is such a comforting smell to me. Angel Perfume... What my mom wore when we were mending our relationship and turning it into the awesome one that it is now! The crazy JLo perfume.. Wyatt's 1st solo gift just for mommy... Pot roast... Something all 4 of my boys love smelling and talk about how "they can't wait for dinner", for hours.. ;) This will sound weird but a smell I really miss, tiny baby poops, when they are only on breast milk. A smell I would smell shortly after every feeding of my sweet tiny babies, that I miss sooo much! You get the point (and also that I am extraordinarily weird, I saved their belly buttons too, ya, I'm that mom, kind of!lol ).. I'm transformed by smells left and right, day and night (like when Nathan the stealth bed invader sneaks in and I wake up to the smell of his hair about an hour later..). I'm thankful for that as I don't always remember things very well.. I think it's God's way of keeping me grounded and looking forward to many new smelly memories!

I realize that is a horribly formed paragraph but not sure I want to shorten it and don't know where to split it.. you get it right? ;)

What smells awaken you in the morning? At night? What smells are you seeking out to make a mark on your bank? Embrace this powerful sense and use it well!

Cheers-

Looking for the scratch-n-sniff glue...

K