Miracles are the light at the end of the tunnel...

I didn't come to know God because of any miracles.  In fact quite the opposite actually.  When I was on my knees that 1st time, I wasn't praising Him by far.  I was angry, hurt, and at my the bottom of my pit (possibly the ledge, because I still see where it could have gotten worse).  People kept saying to me what a Good God  He was and all I could see was a bunch of pain.  GOOD?  'If this is good, I'd hate to see bad,'  I thought to myself.  I stayed in that thinking rut for a little while longer. 

God was creeping in every nook and cranny He could find.. He's good like that!  ;)  He was shaking me up, and exposing me to myself.  I was alone.  I had tried filling this hole in my could that could only be filled by Him.  My God shaped hole did not accept anything in it's place and I finally figured that out.  ;)  I am so thankful for my past because I didn't have some miraculous thing happen that made me see Him, but rather a ship full of pain and emotional volcano that was demanding answers!  The first miracle I was ever able to proclaim after I was saved, was that I was standing there alive!  YAHOO AMEN!  ;)  May not seem like much but after my looking back I was able to see all the times where He sent people in to save me and keep me going.  I can't help but smile at all of the times since my earliest memories I can remember something happening, but not knowing who God was and so not being able early on to give Him the credit!  My life is the epitome of "if things were always good, I would have continued to pat myself on the back, but since things were going terribly wrong, I wanted to blame someone, and the blame was headed His way!"

It took me a while to see all of the miraculous things taking place around me..  I had to get rid of my "stinkin' thinkin" (Thanks Shad W, love that term!)!  I had to see the whole picture not just the room I was in.  Things weren't perfect overnight.  I don't live a fairytale life today either.  With my new (12 years) life in Him, I just get to see things a whole new way!  I am an eternal optimist now and am thankful for my outlook on life. 

He tells us we will encounter hardships and pain again, possibly again and again.  With every hardship and valley I have grown more and am closer to Him.  Pretty sure that is the design.  We are all handed different pages in this crazy life.  One person's perception of pain and suffering cannot be compared to another's.  One person's idea of a miraculous answer cannot be compared to another either.  It seems in every valley we are in there is always a miraculous outcome at the end.  People speak of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.. The feeling of "we can't be stuck in here forever, the end is in sight right?"  At the end of every troubling time, there is reward.  Maybe not right here right now, but at some point.  God will use it all for his good.  So cliche I know, but so intensely true for me! 

It's the little everyday miracles...  Taking a breath without thinking about it.  All of us waking up to get to experience another day together.  Being able to pay my bills.  The sun coming up each day.  Staying married for 10+ years..  Ok that falls under BIG MIRACLE.. ;)  Then you have the life changing miracles.  Growing a baby inside of you, or someone you love.  Staying married for 10+ years (when you almost divorced at 2 years, I say yes, MAJOR MIRACLE!!!).  Being able to forgive someone.  Being forgiven by someone.  Seeing someone "defy all the earthly odds" and watch God tell everyone "not yet, he's yours for a while (in His eyes, anywhere from another hour to 110 more years!) longer!  All that to say that when the answer is something else that His hand is still in it and then the miracle is of the grace He gives us to accept it and go on.  And for me, the full on miracle of the faith that I never knew I was capable of, to believe in said things and the possibilities of so many more. 

I got to see miracles because I knew God...  And still do...  I just wasn't able to see them before..  Everyday.  All around us.  Am so thankful that I get to witness these things and praise Him all of the time!

After learning that a sweet boy I have come to know and love, had been pronounced in remission yesterday, I could not help but stop in awe of God and take a little inventory or the miracles in my own life that I personally have witnessed!  You should know that 2 short months ago, "doom and gloom" rained out the mouths of the Dr's calling for hospice and end of life care for this lil guy.  Proof that you should never give up nor underestimate what God is capable of!  YOU DON'T KNOW!  :) 

Rejoicing today!
K

Video idea borrowed from another sweet blog.. One of my favorite songs and oh so fitting!  http://www.prayfornoah.com/ 

Omniscient Mother...

I want to possess this most AWESOME trait!  Ok, so maybe God knows that it would exhaust us by the end of the first hour and although He is 'probably correct' it doesn't stop me from wanting to attempt it.  I mean seriously, to be able to give your kids all the attention they need at every moment they need it?  YES, uh huh, AWESOME!!!  ;)  Of course, I need to have it my way and I don't want to be everywhere for everybody, but...  ;)

I remember the first time I felt this way.  I felt like I was doing a pretty decent job meeting #1's needs.  I was a decent mom with normal flaws.  My whole perception of that changed the morning we had #2.  I basically had a full on panic attack at 4am.  I snuck in and scooped up #1 (yes, at 4am) and rocked him and wept.  I promised him mommy would still love him the same and that I would do my best to still be a good mommy and make time for him.  I sobbed...  His lil' head was soaked with my tears, and he was mostly sleeping through mommy's lil' meltdown.  I sang "our lullaby" to him.. Even adjusted the verse about one kid, to 2 kids and cried even harder... (I was also terrified I might die, whole other story..lol)..  Cory was positive I had been abducted by the hormone aliens (for the 579th time!).  I tucked Wywy back into bed, and went to our room and hit my knees and sobbed some more.. I begged God to help me not blow it!  A few short hours later, as I was nursing #2, #1 came and laid in bed with us.  He rubbed my face and his baby brother's head and smiled...  I felt this peace come over me right before my heart almost exploded out of my chest, in a good way.. lol  I thanked God for His faithfulness and told Him I knew I was still gonna need help.. ;) 

I am blessed by amazing children who, honest to goodness, were never jealous of each other (Answer to prayer? I think so!).  Well, ok, lol, #1 was worried I might have had chocolate milk this time and could he please try it (the answer was no and no.. lol).  #2 asked if I had orange juice and could he taste it (the answer was no and no..lol)?  But they were always thrilled with the new addition and that made it easier on me and harder all at once.  Some very wise mommies told me how important one on one time was when we had #2.  Thank you God for them!  They were so right!  Since the boys have always loved each other so much and have not put up a fight about that, it was even more clear that I needed to set aside special alone time for each of them.  For both, mommy/son and daddy/son time. The boys love being together with each of us, but they radiate when they have us to themselves!  With 3, it is a huge priority of ours to get that special time with each of them and helps us to keep learning about each of their individual uniquenesses (a word?  YES IT IS!  lol)!

Today was "morning with mom" at #1's school.  I got up, did my hair, my makeup, put on a nice sweater and pretty necklace.  Wy was thrilled!  Wasn't even too bummed when I accidentally forgot to use the perfume he gave me.  Happy nonetheless!  Dropped his 2 littles off with one of my awesome families (Thanks Cary!) and off we went!  The thing about about that mornings with mom stuff.. A lot of chatty moms..  Wonderful chatty moms!  Wy had asked me to get him some juice.. You betchya buddy!  I got stopped by 3 wonderful mommas along the way...  I knew I crushed the morning when he walked passed me and got his own juice and went and sat back down by himself at a table full of girls (all his buddies had went outside and only the coodies remained... :(  ).  My heart sunk and I broke away immediately, but it was too late.  He put on his coat and thanked me for coming in, gave me a hug and went off to class.  I blew it ya'll!  BLEW IT!  I got distracted, and tainted the only date we had had in quite a while...  And he was sucking it up and on his way...

I am blessed by amazing friends, who are always a phone call away!  One of these special ladies said "yes and she was bringing dessert!" to my request of her coming to cover my kiddos while I snuck off to bring lunch lunch to #1.  They aren't just good, they are AWESOME!  ;)  I was off at a dead run!  I came flying into the school and caught him at the lunch cashier...  I was sucking wind with Chinese in hand...  his reply? "Mommy I'm sorry I got lunch, I didn't know you were coming!"  lol  Best $2 I ever threw in the trash! PS.. I forgot how gross school lunch could be...  We chatted, toasted our yummy food and cookies from Sharon...  And smiled lots!  He made my day!  Called awesome friend to check on kids to see if I had time to surprise #2 for a few minutes at his school "No problem, they are playing with their "farts" (homemade Gak)"..LOL!  SAWEET!  (#2 doesn't know it, but another sweet friend will be covering Monday so I can have lunch with his cute lil booty! :)  )  #2 was even in the hall when I came in.. HUGE grin met by even bigger hug!  Bliss for both of us!  His angel of a teacher (whom #1 had as well!) indulged our brief time and had him tell me about the special things from their day!  A sweet treat for both of us!  Ahhh.. all was well in my heart again...

So honored that God felt I deserved a mulligan today!  I learned a valuable lesson about mornings with  mom today (and after 5 yrs, you'd think this was a no brainer, but...lol.)...  Pick a seat on the floor, against the wall, in the back of the room!  Out of sight of any chatty distractions, where I can focus on my wonderful boys only!  I have learned this lesson in other areas as well.  I've even given the kids permission to call me out being on the computer outside of my designated times, that makes them feel like I am distracted.  I've gotten comfortable with letting the phone go to voicemail during storytimes, mealtimes or anytimes where we are all engaged...  I'm sure God will continue to show me where I need to work on things...

Tonight, I will tickle #3's face until he falls asleep, one of our most favorite Nathan Mommy things to do...  I will continue trying to balance things out since I can't be everywhere at once and meeting their every need is just a fleeting thought that I have accepted as unrealistic!  ;)  lol  Omniscience...  I'd still like some!  ;)  lol  I can still remember that terrifying feeling the morning #2 came into our lives, but am so glad we were designed to love all of our babies and that they can all be our favorites!  I was a little better when #3 came, and today I think I have a decent handle on it.

When Cory and I got married, his Grandma Moody gave me a huge hug and told me I was her new "favorite granddaughter-in-law named Kelly.  I had known Cory was her favorite grandson named Cory, as all of the kids were.. ;)  lol  I have carried that on with our boys and Wyatt is my favorite son named Wyatt,Cody is my favorite son named Cody and Nathan is my favorite son named Nathan...  If you haven't read this book to your kiddos, you need to.. I cried the 1st time, but now we laugh...  We also laugh when we get the crazy crusty look from strangers who hear me tell whichever kid I am talking to that they are my favorite.  Those 3 boys are all my favorites!  They are all so different and so unique and I'm blessed that God hand picked them for us!  :)

What is your favorite thing to do with your alone times with your kiddos?  I love new ideas....  ;)

PS...  This is my 2nd attempt at this...  My first blog today was one of my best yet and I couldn't wait to share.. I hope I remembered most of what was in the "1st draft"...  Another lesson learned...  "Auto save".. DO NOT RELY ON IT!  Blogging lesson by fire...  #1...  Sad one for me!!!  :(

Happy weekend all!

What bliss looks like...

My boys having almost as much fun as I was, watching them giggle and be totally full of glee! :)

Pieces of me...

Disclaimer... I frequently like to "borrow" images from the web hole... I openly admit that images such as this one are not my work. But thanks goes out to all the strangers across the world who have taken their time to upload images for me to borrow, that help me tell a story! You should know once it hits the web hole, it's free game.. Free- Did I mention how I love thee? ;) lol

This weekend I was able to brush off a piece of me that has been hidden for many years. Hidden by the many coats of improvements over the years... The layer of becoming a wife. The layer of becoming a mom, one, two, and 3 times. The layer of living in town with actual neighbors. The layer of the always present "B Word"... THE BUDGET! This piece is only known to those who knew me prior to all these layers of life that have intertwined my cracks and fractures and made them something new. But this piece was a very prominent part of my life for many years, and the source of some of my most pure friendships...

I am a horse-girl, through and through. There isn't much I don't like about them... In fact the only thing I can come up with is the cost of having them. Which is the only reason we don't have them now. Big or small... There really is nothing like a horse, to fill your heart in so many ways. The horses in my life since I was small, all held a special place in my heart... I owned my last horse in college. I stopped riding very much around the time I met Cory. I have probably only ridden 10 times since then... I can't believe that, but it is true. I can't watch anything horse related without leaking at the eyes. Add in the national anthem and I could sob, ok, have sobbed! I love the smell of it all... The sweat, their breath, grain, hay, absorbine, anything leather and saddle smelling! :)

I used to show horses and unless you have done that I cannot explain that way of life. Those who do sports with your kids you may kind of get it but not really! It is a culture. From setting up your stalls and tack stall, to the shower racks, to getting ready for your classes, and eating your lunch on a flipped over feed bucket (or manure bucket if need be.. ). Growing up with the same people in your classes year after year. The feeling of blowing a class or rocking one! Water fights after the show in the summertime... You get the idea... A pretty great experience and one I am thankful that my mom had me be part of.

I got to take my boys and hang out with a friend from high school this weekend with her team of draft horses (not what I did) at a draft show... Yes, I wanted to get leaky at the eyes frequently... I was feeling this piece of me being dusted off and having an absolute ball. I was watching my kids soak it up to! More leaking (I'll blame it on the cracks! lol)... My kids have been around horses on and off all their lives and they come by the horse bug naturally! It was great... It was fulfilling in such an unexpected way. I had forgotten how much fun that is. To get ready for a class, watch those you love head into the ring and do their thing and watch intently, hoping it all went well! Being happy for them no matter what, because you know the work it takes to get there! Brushing the horses after a class, seeing them look at you for approval. The whole thing, there is really nothing like it in my current world. I wouldn't trade my reality for that, but wouldn't mind combining the 2 again someday. :)

I was praying last night and just laying there thinking of how incredible my weekend had been. Thanking God for making it all possible and blessing my socks off all weekend long. Not only had I had this experience, but I was able to go wish a sweet friend good luck on their move, and celebrate 2 of my nieces birthdays! My current life is rich with my boys, amazing friendships and family, a great job, and abounding blessings. It was just that I realized my past had a lot of that too. In fact it made me think of other pieces of me I haven't seen lately. Like the backpacker who would take off with just her dog and a pack and go! The road-tripper who would just jump in a car with her friends pick a spot of the map, and go! I also remembered some pieces I am glad I haven't seen in years and they can stay hidden forever and I'll be fine with that! lol I have been blessed richly and trust I am right where I am supposed to be. God knows my heart and if He thinks I should combine both worlds someday then it will happen. Until then, I will take my friends and family up on their offers and get my quick fixes along the way... Speaking of, in March, all 3 of my boys will have officially gotten to ride my gelding I grew up loving, braiding and showing. That is pretty awesome!

Along with the old pieces, I have picked up some new ones along the way. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. Or at least I hope so because it sure does feel right! :)

A new piece of me is one that makes herself do things that are good for her, like going to bed before 11, so off I go...

Too many pieces to count, but who cares?

K.. :)

Thank you Flinstone Gravel Family for letting us invade your space, not once but twice! The kids are crazy over Barney and Fred! :)

smelly memories...

LOL.. No seriously... Do you ever catch a whiff of something and get transported straight back to a certain place and time.... I opened up my gargantuan (yes, a word, my niece K would concur!) canister of Folgers coffee (cheaper than my favorite 1 1/2c bag of the Starbuck's vanilla bean I love, but... $$$) and was snapped back to Pattie St, in Wichita KS... home of my beautiful grandparents. I remember standing in the old metal stool and Grandma teaching me to use the can opener, opening up a new thing of coffee for her and grandpa... To this day I can't open a can, or bag of coffee without a extra ba-bump in my heart!

You see, it wasn't just the learning to open a can of coffee. Being at my grandparents house meant I was safe. Safe to be me. Safe from anger. Safe to rest. I was adored and loved. I felt amazing when I was at their house. Even after my grandpa passed, I had a feeling there I had nowhere else in the world at that time of my life (the better part of the first 14 years). I was encouraged to do things, try things, and enjoy things that did not happen at home. To this day I believe grandparents, or at least stand-ins, are essential to a child's healthy development. My children are blessed by a gaggle of googling grandparents who adore them! My grandparents treated me like I was perfect, and amazing! During a time when my reality at home would say otherwise, impeccable timing I'd say!

I haven't yet figured out what in my past to write about and what not to, so think it will suffice to say for now, that I am doing everything in my power to not repeat much of my childhood with my own children. I had a few things that I utilize, but overall not much. I am a completely different person today than I was at 10, 15, even 18, 19 or 20. Can I get a big AMEN for that??? ;)

I find it amazing how a simple smell can awaken (get it? best part of wakin up, is??? Folgers in your cup... lol Ok, I think I'm funny... looks count..) a whole rush of your past and blast it past your eyes! My Grandma just passed on Halloween and I was blessed to have her for 32 years... Out of everyone in my family, I think I am most like her and find that a pretty great thing!!! I hope one day I can love my grandbabies up like she did and find all of their perfections and be blind to their imperfections... Every now and then I will walk into some one's house and I can smell the same smell I would get walking through her front door. I just want to sit and breathe deep and soak up as much of the memories playing, that I can while my sensories are working overtime!

There are other smells I smell, and they can almost instantly bring me to my knees, in a fetal position, with the amount of pain they awaken from my past... Am I the only one who does this with smells? I remember talking to a counselor about this when I was about 15 or 16 and them telling me that the brain can do that. I remember seeking counsel as a baby Christian at about 21, and learning your could actually ask God to deliver you from memories.... You know what? I have done it and He has indeed delivered me from many memories that have haunted me, but occasionally the smells of things overwhelm my memory bank, and I have to work them out again....

I choose to seek out scents when I am extremely happy and content to make a "smelly mark" on my brain. To overwhelm my memory bank with joy and love and hope!!! Smells like Johnson's baby soap.. I can remember giving each of my babies their 1st baths. The sweet smell of the mountains after a rain... Like in the meadow when Cory proposed to me. Farm Diesel (this sounds bad, I know, don't worry, I'm not a huffer! lol)... I can remember a few happy times with my dad on the old John Deeres, during haying season, add to that a can of Pepsi, what we'd get after we finished bailing, I love when someone opens up a can of Pepsi still... Pert... My boys fresh out of the shower, I smell their hair to make sure they don't smell like wet puppies.. ;) Zest with the smell of shaving cream in the bathroom... I know my hubby is home (which isn't that often). A wood stove burning.... Living with my big brother while we were in college in Gunnison, was all we had for heat, and we'd camp out together in front of it during the winter (one of my favorite times of my life prior to my family.) In fact, I secretly love smelling like a campfire anytime, camping or not, because it is such a comforting smell to me. Angel Perfume... What my mom wore when we were mending our relationship and turning it into the awesome one that it is now! The crazy JLo perfume.. Wyatt's 1st solo gift just for mommy... Pot roast... Something all 4 of my boys love smelling and talk about how "they can't wait for dinner", for hours.. ;) This will sound weird but a smell I really miss, tiny baby poops, when they are only on breast milk. A smell I would smell shortly after every feeding of my sweet tiny babies, that I miss sooo much! You get the point (and also that I am extraordinarily weird, I saved their belly buttons too, ya, I'm that mom, kind of!lol ).. I'm transformed by smells left and right, day and night (like when Nathan the stealth bed invader sneaks in and I wake up to the smell of his hair about an hour later..). I'm thankful for that as I don't always remember things very well.. I think it's God's way of keeping me grounded and looking forward to many new smelly memories!

I realize that is a horribly formed paragraph but not sure I want to shorten it and don't know where to split it.. you get it right? ;)

What smells awaken you in the morning? At night? What smells are you seeking out to make a mark on your bank? Embrace this powerful sense and use it well!

Cheers-

Looking for the scratch-n-sniff glue...

K

Social skills for preschoolers...

My days start each day with organizing and shuffling and ordering.. Who goes where, when, and what for. One of the biggest strides our studies have taken is on social skills. I love that we have realized how important it is to equip our kids with great social skills to be able to survive and thrive in our world once they grow up. They get to practice all of these things starting with their first social interactions.. Don't believe me? Ever watched 2 toddlers with 1 toy? ;) Uh-huh... See what I mean? lol LOOK OUT!

It isn't easy to grasp all of the components of a socially skilled adult. I can speak from 1st hand experience when I say this. I grew up in a world and life, that was void of any communication skills or effective conflict resolution. I was blessed to have amazing people placed in my path that were determined to teach me these things, knowing how crucial they were to happy and healthy relationships in all aspects of life (friends, boyfriends, work etc). They did their best, the rest was up to me to apply it in my relationships. I know that God fully intends us to fine tune these skills, so He'll likely give us a spouse. I had to relearn many of these skills in our 1st 2 years of marriage as I was showing repeatedly how "unskilled" I was.. LOL.. To those that knew us then, don't laugh, I know it's putting it mildly.

I was so excited as a mom, armed with my "bachelors degree" in these social skills, to teach them to my kids. My friends might tell you it's sometimes exhausting to be my friend because it is so important for me to have clear air and my excitement in teaching my kids was hard for some to understand. I know that it will be easier for them to start teaching them now how to communicate. "Use your words..."... I say that at least 79 times a day. Because when they leave and walk into school, it is not socially acceptable to walk up and knock someone over when you want what they have. Important to teach them to negotiate and problem solve. "How about you ask her for your turn, then ask me to set the timer? And then you can trade?" "Now, use your words..." ;) "I know you really wanted that truck, but do we bite/hit/kick/spit at/punch/choke/push our friends?" "can you roll the ball back and forth to each other?" See? These things are not what our human nature suggests we do... They have to be taught. Even after a child sits in timeout, there has to be communication that includes reconciliation, which teaches empathy, remorse, forgiveness, and instills a strong memory bank for the next time a situation arises.

These lessons are not taught overnight. Over the course of a week, month or even a year. Our very nature is take care of numero uno!!! That's right! ;) But to succeed and have healthy relationships, we have to look past ourselves frequently. We all have a certain amount of "I'm right!" and "I don't wannas!" factor in our blood. But to really excel at this game of life, we have to pull that in and want what's good for everyone, even if it means looking at ourselves, changing things about ourselves and sometimes just eating it for the good of others. I am committed to instilling deep social skills in all of the children that enter my home, for their good, and the good of all that will come into their lives. I am often reminded that I am raising adults, not children...

I was so blessed that God had people waiting, glue in hand, ready to take me to fix it shops and spend their time, free of charge, working on me. Corny as it is, since I can't ever thank them enough, I'm going to again.... Just the few I can pop off while my brain is in shut down mode... The Lord, My Grandma C, Barb, Cheryl, Vi, Melody, Eileen, Scott, Cody, Matt, Fawn, My parents, and many many friends... If someone has applied glue to your broken pieces, I encourage you to thank them whenever they come across your heart! When people stop to invest time and energy in you, it is because you are special, loved and worth every second!!!

sticky from applying the 30th round of glue this week... And it's only Tuesday... ;0)

K

Admins are...

I'd like to think of myself as the administrator of many things... My office is my home... Thought this was more than fitting!!! lol Yes, I agree too, more crazy than super! ;)

Some of the best adhesive I am given, is the comedy around me! I have plenty of it and am grateful for it!!! Laughter can hold me together when everything else has seemed to fail.. I hope that everyone has that special, easy to get their hands on, kind of adhesive! :)

Shiny sink and tied shoes.. Not too shabby!! :)

K-

Clean up, Clean up, Everybody Everywhere...

All cleaned up and ready for a great day tomorrow! Slide is ready and waiting for my sweet babes! Hope they forgive me about today. G'night all.... In bed before 11 is nothing short of a miracle for me. THAT is progress right there!!! :)

Save some glue for me!!! I'm not finished yet!!! :)

I can still smell (and see) Christmas...

I have had my stuff taken down since last week. I brought it all downstairs (where I do most of my childcare), and that is where it has been. Since then. It needs to go into the forbidden room (forbidden to anyone but me and a few close pals, and gives me panic attacks, so I should stay out too! lol), but I haven't had time to pick up the totes that Nathan "was helping" me with that got dumped and don't want to deal with it. The Christmas stuff goes above those shelves and well, ughhh... One more thing...

God bless the bestie (a bestie: an amazing friend; one of a good handful of Godsent friends that will be honest with you, no matter what you might think, they are invested in you, and are worth pouring your life back into theirs, that will listen to you speak truth right back to them and knows in a real friendship, there is no room for conflict) that told me I was a perfectionist. I know you are laughing, but not as hard as I did! She also confirmed I was a bit of a control freak but told me not to worry, she was too.. Love her!!! ;) I was now choking on 2 realities at that point.. YIKES!! She added that was part of why we were such good friends, we are quite alike. I think she's amazing, so I'll take that as a compliment, I guess.. lol She went on to explain that the controlling aspect and perfectionism really go hand in hand. Controller: Wants to be the one to do it on your time. Perfectionist: Wants to do it right so that it is not a waste of time, so if it can't be done perfect the 1st time, push it back in the box, closet, bag, shelf, etc.. ( you get the point!) until you can do it right. ;) Problem with that? I am so busy ALL of the time that this frequently, ok, daily, causes a conflict! And the result? THE FORBIDDEN ROOM! ;)

Skill I'm working on? Relaxing the perfection and loosening the control. I walk down today to realize this weekend other things (good things) took precedence over the basement, so this spot got ignored, again (because I couldn't do it all at once, the way I wanted to do it). This morning I got up (with time to pray, get in the word and make pancakes that I later was told looked like ta ta's.. not snowmen...lol)... (bunnytrails, another reason I am so terrible at task completion! lol) and made a list of what had to get done in the downtime of naps.. It went like this 1) PUT THE CHRISTMAS STUFF AWAY ALREADY 2)don't look at the other stuff in the room 3)maybe do some laundry 4)PUT THE CHRISTMAS STUFF AWAY FOR REALS!

I was so sad I hadn't done it over the weekend, because we really needed that space for a full part of our obstacle course since it didn't get above 10 degrees today (no outside battery wear down time). I always set up an good energy burning course of cold and snowy days but need all my space. I started on it when that last baby crashed out... No sooner did I open the door that lil small fry started whining she could hear me.. No go for naptime. Not sure what I did, oh I do know, I had a divine moment with an awesome young lady who has a huge God shaped hole in her heart. He had other plans apparently. ALWAYS JUMP ON THOSE MOMENTS!!! There are no accidents with Him in your life!

I started on it as soon as they were waking up and eating snack. I put it all away in about 25 minutes. That included reorganizing the shelves and running back and forth to the snack table. I of course did not complete this before 2 of the parents saw the forbidden room.... UGGHHH!!! Totally embarrassing, but hey, I was doing it, and it's getting better, so I have chinks.. Don't we all?? I ignored the other stuff, just like I knew I had to (it killed me to not hop on that bunny trail, but I told myself, there is tomorrow at naptime, and I will leave the door open before everyone lays down tomorrow! ;0) ). I have always set myself up for failure.. Planning a huge project, but forgetting my life is full of delays, and sidetracks. So I start a project, life happens, I can't get it done the way I want so I throw it back on the pile.. WELL, I USED TO! I told myself no more than 30-45 at a time no matter what, even if it meant a coffee break! :) And no more guilt trips on myself either!

Great day! Took it all in stride... Can't wait for tomorrow!

Cracked up!

Kelly

Missing pieces..

Am thankful that at times, fragments have been lost and not glued back on... On this latest fall from the shelf, a piece was left on the ground, and I was able to look at it. I'll name this piece, control freakish. I picked it back up, some chunks were missing this time, so it was easier to recognize. I've always felt it on me, but didn't want to acknowledge it's presence. ESPECIALLY TO DH! He's pointed it out for years. I've been floating on the "de-nial" long enough. I see it for what it is and can understand why I possess it. I can't wait to buff it and make it useful again, and stick it back on to serve a greater purpose! I hope it has a purpose anyways! I'm not ready to rid it forever, yet.. lol There's gotta be a use for such a tenacious trait right???

I want to do it all! I want to be a great wife, a great mom, a great provider, a great friend, and to be God's favorite!! Sometimes it is hard to get it all done. I vocalize it all the time that it is a delusion when people say things like "you are supermom" or any thing of the like, that I am not. That they are seeing things. But I can't get away from the guilt in my own heart for failing to meet my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. I love to do so many things but don't have the 1st clue how to do it all, well. For those of you who still have any notion that I might be some some sort of supermom, I'm sorry to let you down... You can now forgive yourself for not being so awesome! ;) lol I, myself, fall flat on the ole' face frequently, and I have to do a lot out of necessity alone, let alone out of wants. I wish I could I could give you so many visuals on what an unintentional faker I am! lol But, for now, I'll keep you in the dark about a few things!

I think the pic is quite hysterical... Frizz control and Straightener.. Frizz.. I'm adopting that word to overtake CHAOS.. It's way more my style and kind of sassy.. Like me... ;) lol And the straightener part, well that's where I'm headed! Perfect!!!

superglued and loved by the King, (as you are too!)-

K

Confessions from the depths...

A picture tells a 1,000 words.. ;) YOU MUST LOOK NOT WITH JUDGEMENT... lol Ok, you can, just don't verbalize it! I know!!! I know!!! The flylady (a program I started doing 10 years ago and have decide to jump on and roll with along as well as other ideas, with a lot of prayer in tow!) defines CHAOS as Can't Have People Over Syndrome. I have em' over, because, well, I love people, I just hate my counters and cringe when I see people look at "my disorganized organizational system" that they don't understand.. If the truth were to be told, no one understands it but me! ;) lol Hubby thinks I don't care.. I do.. I just don't have the time to do what I want to do to my CHAOS, and I am spending my time trying to stay on top of the CHAOS, and maintain all the jobs I have...
Well here goes nothing!!! I know you've been wondering where this is going. Again, not a resolution, but a renovation! And I'm gonna drag you with me, if you want, to witness a full on miracle in the King house! And when you come over, if you can't handle my counter, look at how clean my floors are, usually! ;)
http://www.flylady.com/ It's changed a lot since I started trying it but there is tons of FREE (One of my favorite words! I'm kind of an insanely frugal chick who loves a sweet deal!!!) and lots of useful take it or leave it info! Right now.. I'm taking it! Thanks for passing the book on to me Saree... Sweet kick in the pants!

Stick in.. I may build up enough courage to post the worst room in the house this weekend... I'm working on it! lol

Superglue? What for?

Superglue you ask? What exactly is superglue? This awesome (but entirely powerful, lol) liquid that pieces together even the most unfixable things! It can quick fix a fine array of damage... FAST! Well, most of the time... I can so relate this to my walk with God. My whole life could be equated to that of one in a China shop... Beautiful little pieces, occasionally getting knocked off of the shelf, and broken to bits, put back together again into something different, maybe even better and worth more later. I have been knocked off the shelf plenty, and by the grace of Him alone, put back together again. I'd like to think with each knick and break, I have become even more valuable, if with nothing else, some wisdom to pass along. For what it's worth, I do have a little. It's a really great way to think of my life, and how He doesn't stop working on me and refining me to HIS perfection, which I will only reach at my last breath. I trust Him to have a steady hand while applying "superglue" to this creation of His.

It's all coming together and undone at once!

I woke up a few weeks ago feeling like I was going to shatter into about a billion different pieces. Looking around my home, I could feel the anxiety building. Listening to myself come undone on my kids over dumb things, I could feel the guilt weighing me down. Closing my eyes, and wondering how this got to where it has gotten. My DH, Cory, is gone most of the time with his job, only home about 2 days per week. We have 3 sweet lil boys, 9, 6, and 3. I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my in home childcare business, and haven't missed one major event in their precious lives. I am doing what I always wanted to "grow up" and do, yet there are so many chinks in this armor....
I try to tend the dailies of this life as well as I can. Knowing full well that I am a work in progress and that the good Lord obviously isn't finished with me yet. Thank goodness! ;) This may sound like it's going to be a serious sort of blog... I HOPE NOT! You are just catching me at the beginning of a heart and soul renovation. I feel like I just spent quite a while in the fire, and am able to start seeing where God was polishing this ole' broad up a little bit! I wanted to be able to document as much of this renovation as possible, and add my own running peanut gallery commentary to the mix...
You see, I believe God has moved a huge mountain out of my way, and is about to unleash a fury of growth and accomplishments here in my presence. I just got the butt whoopin' I needed to be able to learn from more of my past and change things up for the good of everyone under this roof. I keep laughing, because although I have told no person, until now, what has happened to me and my heart, it sounds an awful lot like a resolution.. Something I DO NOT EVER DO! ;) The timing just happens to coincide with New Year's... Thanksgiving and Christmas TOTALLY snuck up on me, caused a ton of undue stress, and I don't want to have it happen again EVER! Refer back to chinks in the armor... EXTREMELY DISORGANIZED!!! It's one of many holes on each side of me, the front and back of me, it also causes leaks out of my mouth that should have never escaped. Can you have armor on your tongue? If so, it's chinked! ;)
I can't wait to expose more chinks, work on repairing them with superglue in hand, and show you what a whole lotta faith and a lil superglue can do!
superglued mommy.... Kelly
Watch for pics tomorrow... I figured if I was gonna do this thing, I better show you the nitty gritty and get real with all!